When you’ve encountered something truly annoying in your life, your most common response is to get angry. We know what it is, and we’ve felt it all throughout our lives. It can be triggered by various factors, but it’s completely normal.
Usually, anger is a healthy human emotion, but when it gets out of control – it becomes destructive, and it can lead to problems. Sometimes it can destroy relationships, or put you in a precarious situation at work. It can even affect the overall quality of your life. Oftentimes, it makes you feel like you’re at the mercy of a powerful and unpredictable emotion.
In this article, I’m going to show you some proven methods used by anger management coaches and psychologists, so you can effectively cope with your emotions and give you a chance to control your anger – not the other way around.
The normal way to express anger is to show your aggressive nature. Although anger is a natural response to threats, it can also inspire aggressive behavior and feelings, which often can lead us to defend ourselves when we are attacked. Therefore, a certain amount of anger is necessary for our very own survival.
However, it would be unnatural to fight every person or destroy any object that annoys us. There are social norms, laws, principles that limit us on how far we can express our anger. For this purpose, we need to use a variety of methods, both unconscious and conscious to deal with our emotions.
The three main approaches are as follows:
The most effective method so far is to express your feelings in an assertive, but not aggressive manner – it’s also the healthiest way to control anger. You can do this by determining your needs, and how you can acquire them without hurting others. You don’t need to be demanding or pushy; it only means you’re being respectful of others.
Redirecting Your Anger
Anger can be converted, redirected and suppressed. When you suppressed your anger, you put your mind on something else, and concentrate your efforts on something positive. Your main aim is to inhibit that strong feeling, and transform it into a constructive behavior. However, this method can backfire sometimes, since the response could turn your anger inward – and you become depressed.
Inhibiting your anger can cause high blood pressure, hypertension and it can even lead to deep depression. You need to understand that unexpressed anger can create some problems in the long run. Some people can suppress their anger, but only to find out that they have developed a passive-aggressive behavior. They often get back at people indirectly and they become hostile and cynical.
These are people who are constantly putting others down, making cynical comments, and criticizing everything. These things happen because they don’t know how to constructively express their anger. This can be corrected by controlling both your outward and inward behavior. When you can control your internal responses, you can lower your heart rate, calm yourself, and most importantly – it will subside your anger.
Changing Your Mindset
If you really want to control your anger, you should change the way you think. Most angry people tend to swear or speak in a very careless way, because it reflects their inner thoughts. Keep in mind that when you are angry, you become exaggerated and overly dramatic – making things more complicated.
You should try to replace your negative thoughts with rational ones. Try telling yourself that things aren’t always what you want them to be. You may be upset, but everything will turn out just fine in the end. Getting angry will not fix your problems; it will only make it worse. Remind yourself that the best strategy is to remain calm and compose yourself. Always resort to a more diplomatic solution to your shortcomings.