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Born Gay?

Countless studies have been performed aiming to prove that homosexuality is caused by genetics. Gay proponents love this argument because it says, “Hey, we can’t help our sexual orientation. We are born this way!” Essentially, they can claim that they are helpless, get your sympathy and try to further the justification of homosexual practices because they believe the drive is hereditary.

Who’s to blame them? On the surface, the “science” appears convincing. In recent years, several studies have grabbed headlines around the world, “proving” homosexuality is inborn. The evidence looks solid. The researchers seem credible.

Claims of genetic causation

According to Joe Dallas, author and former homosexual, “People tend to view homosexuality more favorably when they think it is inborn. No wonder gay leaders (not all, but most) push the born gay theory; it furthers the cause.” 1

Dr. Jeffrey Satinover, a medical doctor and former fellow in child psychiatry at Yale University, has taken a thorough look at three particular studies that backfired on themselves. Upon closer evaluation, this is what he discovered:

Flawed Study #1: Brain Structure

In the August 1991 issue of Science, Simon LeVay of the Salk Institute in San Diego published a study on differences in brain structure between homosexual and heterosexual men. 2

The study, however, had at least three glaring weaknesses:

  1. It was based on a small group of 41 male cadavers, including 19 homosexual males. All of the homosexual men had died of AIDS, something that many researchers believe could very well account for or contribute to the differences (in the brain stem).
  2. There is no way to determine if the smaller hypothalamuses were the cause or the result of homosexual behavior. 3
  3. The area of the brain LeVay was measuring (the INAH3) was quite small — smaller than snowflakes, according to scientists interviewed. His peers in the neuroscientific community couldn’t agree on whether the INAH3 should be measured by its size and volume, or by its number of neurons. 4

Flawed Study #2: Twins

In another study, psychologist Michael Bailey of Northwestern University and psychiatrist Richard Pillard of the Boston University School of Medicine showed that homosexuality occurred more frequently among identical twins than fraternal twins.5But their 1991 study had a major flaw: All of their twins grew up together.

These researchers failed to compare their findings with a control group of twins raised apart. If they had, they would have discovered other influencing factors, such as how family dynamics and their relationship with parents affected who they were. Not to mention only about half the identical twins studied were both homosexuals. So, if the study showed that homosexuality in twins was purely genetic, then both of the twins would have been homosexual 100 percent of the time.

Flawed Study #3: The X-Chromosome

Lastly, five researchers led by Dean Hamer at the National Cancer Institute released a study in July of 1993 that attempted to link homosexuality in men with a specific genetic region of the X-chromosome. 6 “This is by far the strongest evidence to date that there is an important genetic component to sexual orientation,” Hamer reported. 7

Not so, said other highly qualified professionals. “There are several problems with the Hamer study. First, a Canadian research team has been unable to duplicate the finding using a comparable experimental design. 8 Second, Hamer confined his search to the X-chromosome on the basis of family interviews, which seems to reveal a disproportionately high number of male homosexuals on the mothers’ sides of the family. 9

Additionally, one of Hamer’s co-authors has expressed serious concerns about the methodology of the study. 10 Finally, there is some question about whether Hamer’s results, correctly interpreted, are statistically significant. His conclusions rest on the assumption that the rate of homosexuality in the population at large is 2 percent. If the base rate is actually higher, then Hamer’s results are not statistically significant. 11An interesting side note is that the 2 percent incidence figure is more accurate than the oft-noted 1-in-10 percentage. The lower figure is brought in when needed to bolster this slight effect, but generally overlooked by the media elsewhere.

These are only three examples of popular studies that were later found to be unreliable due to failure to meet basic criteria for establishing scientific facts, lack of clarity on behalf of the researcher, faulty method of study, or ignorance of basic scientific premises. Other studies hold no weight because the conclusions have been insinuated rather than proven. It’s these flawed studies, however, that receive the most publicity.

Most recently, Dr. Robert Spitzer, one of the men who helped eliminate the American Psychiatric Association’s listing of homosexuality as a mental disorder in 1973, acknowledged that some homosexuals can become heterosexual. In an interview with the CitizenLink online newsletter, Spitzer said, “The critics of this kind of therapy (to change homosexuality) don’t just argue that it is rarely effective; they argue that it’s never effective.” 12(Emphasis added.)

Only one kind of person

No solid scientific evidence exists today that people are born homosexual. 13

Interestingly enough, genetic predeterminants have also been theorized for alcoholism or depression. Neither alcoholism nor depression is embraced as healthy. Rather, we try to help people who suffer from these tendencies to find relief and recovery. 14

The same holds true for homosexuality. From conception, males differ from females. Every cell in the male body is different from every cell in the female’s. There are vast disparities between males and females that are currently overlooked by the popular media. But, by design, male was meant for female, and vice versa.

Dr. Joseph Nicolosi, president of the National Association for Research and Treatment of Homosexuality, states, “We are all heterosexual. Some heterosexuals have a homosexual problem, but it does not mean there are two different kinds of people.” 15As such, the hope for finding freedom from its trap is all the more real.

In the words of Stanton Jones, Chair of Psychology at Wheaton College, “Anyone who says there is no hope (for change) is either ignorant or a liar. Every secular study of change has shown some success rate, and persons who testify to substantial healings by God are legion.” 16

1 Joe Dallas, Is Homosexuality Inborn? What Current Science Really Says (Seattle, WA: Exodus International-North America, 1998), 2.
2 Simon LeVay, “A Difference in Hypothalamic Structure Between Heterosexual and Homosexual Men,” Science, vol. 253 (1991): 1034-1037.
3 Simon LeVay on the “Phil Donahue Show” titled “Genetically Gay: Born Gay or Become Gay?” January 3, 1992.
4 David Gelman, “Is This Child Gay? Born or Bred: The Origins of Homosexuality,” Newsweek, September 9, 1991, 52.
5 Michael J. Bailey and Richard C. Pillard, “A Genetic Study of Male Sexual Orientation,” Archives of General Psychiatry, vol. 48 (December 1991): 1089-1096.
6 Dean H. Hamer, et al., “A Linkage Between DNA Markers on the X Chromosome and Male Sexual Orientation,” Science, vol. 261 (1993): 321-327.
7 Paul Recer, “Researchers Find Genetic Link to Homosexuality,” The Associated Press, July 15, 1993.
8 G. Rice, C. Anderson, N. Risch and G. Ebers, “Male Homosexuality: Absence of Linkage to Microsatellite Markers on the X Chromosome in a Canadian Study,” presented at the 21st annual meeting of the International Academy of Sex Research, 1995, Provincetown, MA. This presentation is discussed in E. Marshall’s “NIH ‘Gay Gene’ Study Questioned,” Science, vol. 268 (1995): 1841.
9 Evan Balaban, quoted in V. D’Alessio, “Born to Be Gay?” New Scientist, September 28, 1996, 32-35
10 E. Marshall, “NIH ‘Gay Gene’ Study Questioned,” Science, vol. 268 (1995): 1841.
11 Neil Risch, Elizabeth Squires-Wheeler and Bronya Keats, “Male Sexuality Orientation and Genetic Evidence,” Science, vol. 262 (1993): 2063-2065.
12 Pete Winn, “A Crack in the Wall? A Respected Psychiatrist Rethinks Homosexuality,” CitizenLink, February 4, 2000, www.family.org/cforum/hotissues/a0009548.html.
13 Frank Worthen, “What is Homosexuality?” (San Rafael, CA: Love in Action, 1993), 1.
14 Bob Davies and Lori Rentzel, Coming Out of Homosexuality (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1993), 44.
15 Joseph Nicolosi, Ph.D., “The Condition of Male Homosexuality,” speech presented at the Love Won Out conference, Dallas, TX, May 6, 2000.
16 Dallas, 11.Excerpted from the booklet The Truth Comes Out: The Roots and Causes of Homosexuality, published by Focus on the Family.

Copyright © 2001 Focus on the Family.


Background Information

An Ounce of Prevention
Myths about homosexuality abound. Not least is the notion that, for some people, homosexuality is inevitable.

Struggling With Homosexuality
These questions and answers are designed to help men and women dealing with same-sex attraction work through the confusion.

The Causes of Homosexuality
Here are three possible reasons why your child is gay.

The Guilt of Homosexuality
Are parents to blame when their son or daughter comes out of the “closet”?

The Sexual Developmental Stages
How do males develop homosexual attractions?


Questions and Answers

My friend is a lesbian, and she thinks it is okay. How do I tell her this isn’t okay with God?
Answer

Review Frequently Asked Questions


Stories

Finding His Way Out
One man proves it is possible to escape the grip of homosexuality.

My Father’s Closet
When Dad leaves Mom for another woman, the wounds are deep. But what do you do when he leaves for another man?

Not What I’d Expected
Having a gay father-in-law was the beginning of lessons on love and compassion amidst different beliefs and values.

If you’ve been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.

Share Your Story


Other Things to Consider

I Think I Might Be Gay!
This article, written for teen girls, points out that admiring the qualities, characteristics, or fashion sense of another female does not make you gay.

Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?


Related Topics

Relationships: Blended Families, Parents and Adult Children

Transitions: Preparing for Adolescence, Empty Nest

Kiss Me Now

“When my husband kisses me, I know it will be praise that goes straight to heaven.” With those words I snagged a husband. In August of 1999, Boundless published my first article, entitled “(Don’t) Kiss Me.” The gist of it was that Christians need to take kissing more seriously, and I shared my own personal vow to save my first kiss for my wedding day. But as Sam Torode rightly accused me of in his rejoinder, “There’s More Than One Kind of Kiss,” I was not entirely innocent in my musings — I see in retrospect that, unconsciously, I was taking slight advantage of the opportunity to broadcast my availability. I was indeed employing reverse psychology — to pique Sam Torode’s interest, though I had never met him, did not yet know his name, and did not expect my future husband to write a critical response in return.

I am happy to say that it worked like a charm. On January 14th, 2000, Sam and I met face-to-face for the first time, went out to dinner, and talked for three hours. When I returned from the evening, my 12-year-old brother Micah said to me, “He’s older than you, he’s taller than you, he opened the door for you, and he’s a Christian — he’s the one!” He was right: on May 28th, Sam asked me to marry him.

Over the course of our engagement we received frequent e-mail messages from Boundless readers mistakenly assuming that our opinions on kissing were in direct opposition to each other — asking, “So, have you kissed yet?” or “Who won?” Sam usually replied by writing, “My friends often ask similar questions, and I refuse to satisfy their curiosity. I will say only: a vow is a vow, Bethany’s principles are my principles, and a kiss is a mystery that cannot be defined.”

They were usually frustrated with his response, because a vast majority of the inquirers were young women, and young women want details — preferably in romance-novel or how-to form (I can say that because I am the same way). They wanted to know if we hugged, if we kissed on the cheek, how much we touched.

Writing about kissing in theory is quite a different thing than writing about kissing a particular person. Not only are such details very private and sacred between Sam and me, they are also not things that any one couple should publish as suggested guidelines for thousands of readers, because while certain principles are universal, the specifics will vary with each couple’s situation.

Though I said in my first article that there is no perfect blueprint for every couple, by the undertone of the piece I implied otherwise. I have since learned that couples who save their first kiss for the altar are not necessarily any purer than those who save it for engagement. “The more you save before marriage, the more enjoyment you have afterwards” is not in and of itself a true statement. If that were entirely the case, then we should return to the days of arranged marriages, so that everything about our spouse would remain hidden until the day of the wedding.

When evaluating physical guidelines between yourself and your fiancé, the two most important factors to look at are family history and previous physical experience. For example, a woman who feels abandoned by her father as a result of divorce or absence could have a lot of insecurity that will cloud her understanding of selfless, loving physical expression. She will need to be on guard against using touch to assure herself of her worth, or that her boyfriend/fiancé will not leave her. In the same way, someone who has awakened his desires prematurely by taking touch out of the context of commitment will need to take greater measures to restore his purity when he does pledge himself to someone.

I’m not a relationship expert and, although this is my second article about kissing, I don’t want to become one. I don’t want to set Sam and myself up as the ideal. No couple has the perfect love story. The perfect love story is the marriage of Christ and the Church, which is yet to come — all of our human experiences are but dim reflections of that glorious event.

Christ is the only example of ideal purity and we should all be on guard against lifting others to that place, especially writers and speakers who choose to share their stories with us. No one is a virgin in heart, whether they’ve kissed or not. The Bible is very clear about that. We are all failures (be prepared to realize that in a painful way when you someday join your life with another’s).

In an otherwise excellent Christian relationship book I read recently, the author writes of “lusting” after his fiancée’s legs. After a war with his conscience, he tells her that he needs to be alone for awhile. I winced when I read this. Using “lust” in reference to desiring your intended is a depressing misuse of the word. Lust is the objectification of another human being, which happens when you remove the soul, spirit and mind of the other — the essence of them in all their profound individualness — and crave their body solely for your own satisfaction. I doubt the author was enjoying that leg as an object — he admired it because it was his fiancée’s. There is a beautiful flame of attraction that can be referred to as pure, holy desire, and it exists between all couples who are in healthy communion with each other, weaving their lives together within a covenant.

Many people, including myself, have said that there are only two states of romantic involvement outlined in the Bible — singleness and marriage — and that there is no room in-between for physical interaction. “Not married? Don’t touch. Married? Go hog wild!” But the engagement period is not a time to act like singles — never touching, never being alone together. It is a time when you learn how to channel your pure affections and passions to God through your intended, always with the thought of the other in mind. I would venture to say that touch is an important part of this. To self-disciplined, engaged couples, I would highly recommend admiring the beautiful gift of each other’s legs. In our culture, engaged couples desperately need to retreat from the world and redeem their Hollywood-polluted views of sex.

Of course not all desires, however good, can be acted upon before marriage. But when you’re struggling with them, don’t withdraw into yourself — share your burden. It takes away the secrecy and inner struggle, which Satan can use to blow things out of proportion. It was always very helpful for me to tell Sam, “Boy, I really feel like kissing you right now” — because then I was reminded of my commitment not to. God gives our fiancés to us for accountability and partnership.

The Bible does speak of an in-between period, a time when you are not single but not yet fully married. This is referred to in Matthew 1:18, where Joseph is called the husband of Mary, though he has not yet “taken her as his wife” or consummated the marriage. In traditional Hebrew practices, after a couple became betrothed they were considered legally bound to each other, so much that if the engagement were broken, one party would see the other in court.

We would do well to take our cues from the laws of God’s chosen people. Engagement should be binding, because you have given your word — and that should never be retracted, except under dire circumstances. Many parents and pastors do not stress this enough, and many young women do not take this into consideration when presented with that distracting diamond ring. We live in a society that treats commitment flippantly, but it is crucial that we understand how important it is to not promise things we cannot follow through on. (After engagement, I remember Sam pondering how connected we were, and commenting, “If we were to break up now it would be like a divorce.”) At that point of “yes,” you enter into something beyond a trial period.

Over the summer Newsweek ran a cover story on female sexuality. In the following issue a long-married couple wrote a letter to the editor pointing out something that Newsweek had missed: the greatest aphrodisiacs for a woman are her husband taking out the garbage and bathing the kids. This seems simple, but it strikes a very complex and important concept — that sex without deeds is dead; that when our romantic acts are separated from the rest of life — even menial tasks — passion evaporates and we are left with an empty shell of what love should be. We cannot divide our lives into compartments. We need to stop referring to our “spiritual life” and “sex life” as separate from “everyday life.” All aspects of our nature are connected in such a way that everything that goes on in the kitchen, dining room and church impacts the bedroom — and vice-versa.

And just as we should not draw hard lines between sexuality, spirituality and real life, we cannot separate the mind, soul and body. Our soul doesn’t reside in some cavity in our chests, it is woven throughout our flesh. Because of this unity, when our spirit joins in prayer with another’s, an emotional bond is formed. In the same way, our lips cannot do something without it affecting our soul.

There are three main ways you weave your selves together in love in preparation for marriage: physical, mental and spiritual. It’s like three thermometers — the mercury in each should be rising as you approach your wedding day. And you’ll see that the closer you get spiritually and mentally, the closer you will desire to be physically. This is good and right, but it also means you need to be wise. It doesn’t take that long to prepare for marriage (Sam and I moved our wedding up a month and a half and completely switched plans in one weekend). A short engagement is a great aid to purity — and patience!

One large problem with much contemporary Christian teaching on sexuality is that the church has soaked up the culture’s over-sexualization of everything. (Perhaps if we would limit our movie and media intake we’d be better equipped to avoid this.) As a result, we often talk of ourselves as if we were hormone machines. This is a very animalistic view of what the Bible calls the image of God.

Until I met Sam, I didn’t realize that I had assumed this point of view, which implies that our passions are stronger than our wills. What I gleaned from the broad range of evangelical relationship books I read in my teens was that all passion leads to sex, and that a kiss was a surefire means of eventually going too far. What I’ve learned since then is that passion begins the minute you glance into each other’s eyes, and not kissing doesn’t prevent it from building. Our wills, when in submission to the Holy Spirit, are strong enough to make sure that we will not compromise our principles. We can’t blame blind passion when we fall short of our standards. We are never irrational to “the point of no return.” We are not completely lost until we choose to lose ourselves. Hollywood pretends this isn’t so. We’ve all seen it — two characters are attracted to each other, and the minute they’re alone their lips are drawn together by a magnetic force they cannot resist — and then they just can’t help falling into bed. That is utter rubbish.

This over-sexualizing has also taken the form of over-romanticizing our expectations. I know I used to subconsciously believe that if I let God write my love story (by not participating in casual dating or kissing) then my romance would unfold like a novel. But just because you do all the “right things” according to the relationship experts doesn’t mean God is going to give you a purity trophy — that knockout Christian superstar who will make all your friends turn green with jealousy.

Our God delights in writing quirky stories using everyday materials — his own son was not a king but a carpenter, the son’s mother a poor Jewish girl. Don’t dismiss the young men and women that others seem to always overlook — they are often the ones who make the best husbands and wives. You might not be smitten with overwhelming tingles the first time your hand brushes the one you end up marrying, but don’t gauge your future by what happens in the movies. Quite a bit of love is quiet companionship and deep friendship.

On November 24th, I married my quiet companion and deep friend. When he kissed me, I did not feel pure because I was a virgin, or because I was wearing a white dress, or because I had saved my lips for him. I felt pure because I knew that it was a fresh beginning (as is every morning) — that Jesus gave me to him to continue making us both holy through the perpetual confession and forgiveness that comes in married life. I pray that when I am 60 and he kisses me, my lips will be more pure than they were on my wedding day.

Copyright © 2000 Bethany Torode. This article first appeared on Boundless webzine. Used by permission.


Background Information

Breaking Up is Hard to Do
The pain of a broken relationship is real, but not forever.

To Date or Not to Date
How you view dating and marriage will determine your teen’s expectation when he goes to middle and high school.


Questions and Answers

Our 16-year-old daughter has started dating. How do we help her keep perspective and avoid trouble?
Answer

Proms sure have changed since I was in school. I’m a little nervous about allowing my teenage daughter to go. What should I do?
Answer

Should we discourage our son from getting involved in a “summer romance”?
Answer

Review Frequently Asked Questions


Stories

If you’ve been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.
Share Your Story


Other Things to Consider

What is Sex Worth?
Sex before marriage cost more than I dreamed.

Who’s On First
Are you dating or just friends? Maybe the other person changed the rules. Then again, maybe you just haven’t been paying attention.


Related Topics

Relationships: Blended Families, Parents and Adult Children

Transitions: Preparing for Adolescence, Empty Nest

Talking About Sex

talkseximgWhen it comes to the birds and the bees, children need to learn that sexuality is about more than anatomy — it’s also about morality. The emotional aspect of sex is much more complex than the physical. Going from thinking the opposite gender has “cooties” to understanding why adults would want to have sex is a huge leap for kids. Since sexual information is abundant — from media, friends, school and parents — moral views are diverse. Ideally, parents should be the first to explain sex. Starting early, sharing age-appropriate information and explaining physical changes are crucial to healthy sexual development. Parents should also carefully review the school’s sex education curriculum. Talking about sex with your kids may be uncomfortable, but it’s crucial. Your discussions are the foundation for good sexual choices in your child’s future.


Background Information

Having “The Talk”
It might be awkward, but it’s a parent’s place to talk about sex.

How Much is Too Much?
Here are age-appropriate guidelines for teaching kids about sex.


Questions and Answers

When do children begin to develop a sexual nature?
Answer

I really want my daughter to enjoy the Valentine season, but how can I help her see past the worldly exploitation of romance?
Answer

I would like to teach my own child about human sexuality, but I’m not sure I know how to go about it. When do I say what?
Answer

In a culture where dating and sex often blend together, where do I tell my son to “draw the line” physically?
Answer

Is sexual experimentation normal? What should I do if I catch my child acting out with another child?
Answer

Review more Frequently Asked Questions


Stories

If you’ve been through an experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.
Share Your Story


Other Things to Consider

When It Comes to Sex, Character Counts
Teaching character can make a difference in your child’s future sex life.


Transitions: Having a Baby, Preparing for Adolescence

Life Pressures: Working Moms, Stay-At-Home Moms, Time for Family

Relationships: Parents and Adult Children, Blended Families

Special Needs Children

specialimgWhen the doctor hesitated during the ultrasound, you knew something was wrong. Part of pregnancy is worrying that your child will be healthy and “normal,” but, with the diagnosis, you no longer have the luxury of wondering. Now, you face much larger decisions — decisions about the quality of life, for your child and yourself. In the remaining months of your pregnancy, or in the months following your baby’s birth, you must begin to love and accept this child for who he or she is. Learning to care for your special needs child and beginning to appreciate his or her worth may be a struggle, but it is also a wonderful privilege.

 


Background Information

Why So Quiet?
These are some causes and signs of autism, and what parents can do about it.

Working Through Grief
As a parent of a child with Down syndrome, you have to grieve for the child you expected before accepting the child you have.


Questions and Answers

Where can parents of special needs children find support groups?
Answer

Review more Frequently Asked Questions


Stories

Eliana Joy
When Eliana Joy died from severe brain abnormalities, her parents faced the toughest test they’d ever faced.

Adam’s Story
Special Needs children require faith, lots of love and courage

Our Son Joe
The following letter was written from the father of a child born with Spina Bifida.

Too Young To Die
Living with a seriously ill child can seem too much to bear.

If you’ve been through an experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.
Share Your Story


Other Things to Consider

In His Image
Her genetic makeup said she was flawed, but her Father thought otherwise.

A Spiritual RX for Healthy Mind and Body
A new study of bereaved spouses shows a significant link between religious faith and the ability to heal after a loss. It’s just one more confirmation of the faith/health connection.

Bearing the Burden of a Child’s Illness
In the midst of a devastating diagnosis, sometimes all you can do is to trust God.

Divine Wisdom
If you’re struggling with any of the questions below, these thoughts and scriptures may help.


Transitions: Having a Baby, Preparing for Adolescence

Life Pressures: Working Moms, Stay-At-Home Moms, Time for Family

Relationships: Parents and Adult Children, Blended Families

Single Parenting

pcsingleparentimgDays overflow with responsibility: making ends meet, chauffeuring kids from one activity to the next, maintaining the house. But even in the midst of endless activity, the monotony of life sets in and many single parents question their effectiveness. Feelings of inadequacy and loneliness often surface: Will my child be balanced? Why do I have to be alone? How can I handle everything I have to do? Will my child resent growing up without both parents? These concerns and fears can be paralyzing, preventing moms and dads from being the parent their kids need. Insecurity, loneliness, grief and rejection loom over many single parents. But there is hope and encouragement for those who face parenting alone.


Background Information

Adopting on Your Own
This advice can help single parents who want to adopt children.

On Your Own
A lot changes after a divorce occur, most notably, the demands of parenting.


Questions and Answers

I am a single mother with a 5-year-old son. How can I raise him to be a healthy man who has a good masculine image?
Answer

What encouragement can you offer to those of us who are single parents?
Answer

Review more Frequently Asked Questions


Stories

The Way It Wasn’t Supposed to Be
Divorce is a hateful thing. But with help, you can mend the torn fabric of your family’s life.

Accepting a New Identity
Unexpectedly widowed, a woman has trouble accepting her role as single parent.

My Mother, My Hero
My mother sacrificed her life to give her kids the best she could — and to help us be our best.

If you’ve been through an experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.
Share Your Story


Other Things to Consider

Forgiveness: What it is and What it Isn’t
Understanding and granting forgiveness can help you move past the pain of divorce.

Learning to Roll With Change
It’s not the most fun you’ll ever have, but the results are worth it.

Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?


Transitions: Having a Baby, Preparing for Adolescence

Life Pressures: Working Moms, Stay-At-Home Moms, Time for Family

Relationships: Parents and Adult Children, Blended Families

Sibling Rivalry

siblingimgSome people believe brothers and sisters instinctively love, and like, each other — till they bring the second baby home. Competition begins early, sometimes with their first introduction to each other. Because children crave huge amounts of love, siblings tend to see each other as a hindrance to Mom or Dad’s affection. Showing unconditional love to all your kids — and justice when flare-ups do occur — will prove to your little ones that there is no need to contend with each other. Eliminating conflict between your children may be impossible, but loving them and teaching them to love each other can end the jealousy in your home.

 


Questions and Answers

Why do my kids have to fight all the time? I have three of them, and they drive me crazy. Why can’t they be nice to each other?
Answer

Our 3-year-old daughter was thrilled about having a new brother or sister. Now, however, she shows signs of jealousy. Please suggest some ways I can ease her through this period of adjustment.
Answer

Our daughter is showing signs of jealousy. How can I help her adjust to a sibling?
Answer

Review more Frequently Asked Questions


Stories

If you’ve been through an experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.
Share Your Story


Other Things to Consider

Children: Are They Worth It?
Children can be demanding, frustrating and exhausting. But they can also be a tremendous source of positive change in our lives.


Transitions: Having a Baby, Preparing for Adolescence

Life Pressures: Working Moms, Stay-At-Home Moms, Time for Family

Relationships: Parents and Adult Children, Blended Families

Nighttime Problems

nighttimeimgSleep is an essential part of your children’s growth. And when they don’t get enough of it, it’s likely neither do you. Night terrors and bad dreams can be harder on Mom and Dad than their child, especially when they happen hours after you’ve fallen asleep. Waking up wet makes for cold and soggy mornings, and repeated piles of laundry. Is there some way to put an end to the sleep-deprived grumpies plaguing your family? For those seeking peaceful nights, we have gathered tips and information to help your child “sleep like a baby” again.

 


Background Information

Fast Asleep?
This overview of common nighttime problems may help parents and kids get a good night’s rest.

Water Bed
She’s potty trained by day, but nighttime is a different story.


Questions and Answers

My child is afraid of the dark. How can I lessen this fear?
Answer

Review more Frequently Asked Questions


Stories

If you’ve been through an experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.
Share Your Story


Other Things to Consider

Children: Are They Worth It?
Children can be demanding, frustrating and exhausting. But they can also be a tremendous source of positive change in our lives.


Transitions: Having a Baby, Preparing for Adolescence

Life Pressures: Working Moms, Stay-At-Home Moms, Time for Family

Relationships: Parents and Adult Children, Blended Families

Media Influence

pcmediaimgMost parents wouldn’t think twice about forbidding their 10-year-old to attend an R-rated movie, full of explicit sex and violence. Yet with one punch of the TV remote control, your child can watch explicit sex, violence and worse, and sometimes that’s just the commercials. Entertainment is readily available to kids. Whether logging on to the Internet, turning on the television or reading a comic magazine, many images are branded into a child’s mind — both negative and positive. Must parents hover over their youngster in an attempt to preserve the child’s innocence? Is there a happy medium between “over-controlling” and “anything goes”?


Background Information

Video Game Ratings Explained
Ratings are helpful tools for parents who want to make informed buying decisions.

How Violent Media Affects the Brain
New research cements a link between violent video games and increased levels of violence in teens

The Power of the Media
It’s hard to deny that music and visual images have tremendous sticking power. But do those lingering sensations really make a difference?

When Life Imitates Art
We need to be very careful about what we allow ourselves to watch and listen to. Examples of others who didn’t make wise choices are numerous, and some of them are frightening.

Children and Television
If parents don’t know what their children watch on TV, it may come back to haunt them.


Questions and Answers

I’m troubled by some of the CDs showing up in our home. How do we set a music standard for our 13-year-old daughter?
Answer

What are the long-term consequences when children watch violent and sexual content on television?
Answer

What is your opinion of video games?
Answer

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Stories

It Matters What They Watch
Steven slaughtered Xbox villains, watched R-rated movies and surfed endless channels on television. Trouble is, lax boundaries steered him down a destructive path.

If you’ve been through an experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.
Share Your Story


Other Things to Consider

Do What I Do
Children learn by watching us live our lives. It is all the more reason to live honorably.


Transitions: Having a Baby, Preparing for Adolescence

Life Pressures: Working Moms, Stay-At-Home Moms, Time for Family

Relationships: Parents and Adult Children, Blended Families

Low Self-Esteem

lowselfesteemA damaging lie is hidden in the timeworn chant, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” The truth is words mold us, torment us and define us. Children, particularly, are susceptible to the impact of a parent’s words. As children grow and develop socially, mentally and physically, they are affected and shaped by people’s opinions — especially their parents’. A child thrives in school and at home when she has a healthy identity; your reactions and words will either give her confidence to believe she can do anything or convince her she is worthless. It is important for parents to build up their child’s self-esteem: providing a safe, loving, accepting environment will reassure your child and teach him that, with support, he can be or do anything.


Background Information

Signs of Bullying
Parent, teachers, coaches, and even friends can benefit from learning what signs to look for that may indicate that your child is having a problem being bullied.

How Low Can They Go?
Sometimes the pit of low self-esteem can seem bottomless. Your kids may need a lifeline now more than ever.

Self-Esteem Programs Get Low Grades
Can a school curriculum adequately fill kids with decent values?

Stage Fright
Understanding what makes kids lose their composure can help them regain it.

To Each His Own
It’s normal for some kids to learn at a slower pace.


Questions and Answers

You have said that children and young people are experiencing an epidemic of self-doubt and feelings of low self-esteem. Why do you think this is true?
Answer

My 16-year-old daughter wasn”t asked to the prom and she”s crushed. As a dad, what can I do to help build her up?
Answer

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Stories

The Wounded Spirit
Bullying is not the harmless youthful activity some think it is. It inflicts psychological scars that can last a lifetime.

If you’ve been through an experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.
Share Your Story


Other Things to Consider

The Perfect Child
A little perfectionism goes a long way. Too much can be a real downer for kids.


Transitions: Having a Baby, Preparing for Adolescence

Life Pressures: Working Moms, Stay-At-Home Moms, Time for Family

Relationships: Parents and Adult Children, Blended Families

Learning Concerns

learningimgNearly every parent hopes their child will be brilliant — the next great thinker, artist or American president. When that child experiences developmental delays, however, such dreams are dashed. In almost every classroom, at least one youngster has a learning disability (some severe, others barely noticeable), and that struggling child is frequently the target of jokes from “typical” kids and sighs from impatient teachers. Watching this battle is agonizing. Parents suspect learning disabilities imprison gifted human beings. And they’re often right. Some of the world’s greatest intellectuals — including Albert Einstein —are believed to have been learning disabled. A combination of encouragement, medical evaluation and a treatment plan can help your child maximize his potential.


Background Information

To Each His Own
It’s normal for some kids to learn at a slower pace.

Types of Learning Difficulties
If you suspect your child may have a learning disability, parents need to be aware of the symptoms that prevent learning at school.


Questions and Answers

My six-year-old son is beginning to have learning problems in school because he can’t stay in his seat and concentrate on his lessons. What should I do?
Answer

Is retention in the same grade ever advisable for a child who is not a late bloomer? How about the slow learner?
Answer

My older child is a great student and earns straight A’s year after year. Her younger sister, now in the sixth grade, is completely bored in school and won’t even try. Why would she refuse to apply her ability like this?
Answer

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Stories

A Reason to Hope
Poor grades at school, inattentiveness and a failure to complete tasks might have a cause you haven’t thought of.

If you’ve been through an experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.
Share Your Story


Other Things to Consider

The Perfect Child
A little perfectionism goes a long way. Too much can be a real downer for kids.


Transitions: Having a Baby, Preparing for Adolescence

Life Pressures: Working Moms, Stay-At-Home Moms, Time for Family

Relationships: Parents and Adult Children, Blended Families