adoption
Where Have All the Babies Gone?
Ironically, at the same time that there is an unprecedented demand for adoptions because of increasing infertility, fewer babies than ever before are available for adoption. There are two primary reasons for this. First, many women choose abortion over adoption. While no hard figures are available, it is estimated that there are anywhere from one million to two million abortions in the United States each year. Second, there is a growing tendency on the part of women who have conceived a child out of wedlock to keep the child. It is estimated that of those unmarried women who conceive a child and carry the child full term (i.e., those who do not have abortions or miscarriages), between 94 and 96 percent will keep their child. Stated differently, of those women who give birth to a child out of wedlock, only 4 to 6 percent will give that child up for adoption.
The typical woman who chooses to place her child for adoption is 19 years old, above average in intelligence, is a college or university student and has career or educational goals that would preclude raising a child at that time. This is a composite picture, riddled with exceptions.
I have been involved in adoptions with birth mothers as young as 13 and as old as 43. When most people think of adoptions, they think of 15- to 17-year-old birth mothers, but this is usually a false image. In most cases, it is the 15- to 17-year-old woman who chooses to keep her child.
Adoption is most attractive to the older, more mature and insightful woman who is able to recognize what an enormous responsibility a child is, and also has a sense of her own limitations. Nothing is more heartbreaking than a 16-year-old girl who chooses to keep her child because she has a romanticized vision of life as a mother. If you ask a pregnant 16-year-old what her plans are for her expected child, it is an alarmingly common response that she is looking forward to taking her child for walks in the park, and is looking forward to having "something of my very own." This is not to suggest that all teenage mothers are unfit, or that they have made their decisions based upon selfish or immature considerations; some teenage mothers are capable of very effective parenting. It would be naive, however, to not recognize that these life-changing decisions are all too often made solely upon misinformation or purely selfish considerations, totally ignoring the best interests of the child.
Of those women who do choose to place their child for adoption, most do so out of a realistic evaluation of what they can or cannot offer to the child. Most birth mothers have little to offer to a child financially. If they choose to keep the child, it will probably mean becoming dependent upon welfare.
No one solution will be right for every woman or all circumstances. The key task she faces is to gather enough accurate information for an informed and meaningful decision. Increasingly, resources are being made available to assist the woman in this task. The decision of what to do with an unplanned pregnancy is far too important to be made in a vacuum, in the absence of hard facts. Forces such as Planned Parenthood and their "school-based health clinics" seek to impose only one set of options upon a woman carrying an unplanned pregnancy, and are actively opposing the right of others to provide information about other options. My hope is that open dialogue will allow a more meaningful decision-making process for the woman who finds herself faced with the most difficult decision of her life.
Background Information
Agency Adoptions
When it is time to evaluate adoption agencies, consider these pros and cons.
Adopting on Your Own
This advice can help single parents who want to adopt children.
Causes and Characteristics of Attachment Disorder
For adoptive parents, attachment issues can be a huge concern.
Independent Adoption
These are the risks and rewards of adopting without the help of an agency.
Not Just a Mother's Decision
Birth fathers have a right to be included in the adoption process.
Questions and Answers
Are adopted children more likely to be rebellious than children raised by biological parents?
Answer
How would you go about telling a child he or she is adopted, and when should that disclosure occur?
Answer
Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
Reflections on Bonding With an Adopted Child
Bonding with an adopted child can take time — and great patience.
A Second Chance at Life
Two adopted children arrived from the most unlikely of sources.
Adoption as Grace
How does enlarging your family reflect God's love?
An Act of Grace
In the midst of ethical ambiguity, one infertility treatment is a welcome development.
Climbing the Hills
A father tells his story of adopting his daughter from Russia.
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?
Related Topics
Life Pressures: Working Moms, Stay-at-Home Moms
Relationships: Blended Families, Divorce, Parents and Adult Children, Caring for Elderly Parents
