adoption
Prevention 101
The best thing you can do is anticipate problems and try to solve them before they occur. You do this when you go to your doctor for a physical exam. And you do this when you take your car in for a tune-up. So why not a little marital troubleshooting?
Unfortunately, many young people think marriage will solve problems, as if saying "I do" is a magical cure.
But the opposite is true. Marriage only intensifies existing problems.
That's why it's best to identify potential problems ahead of time. Here are some ways to do that:
Thoroughly discuss your expectations. Each partner carries into marriage a huge bag full of expectations. Men and women assume things will transpire just the way they imagine: "We will visit my family each Christmas," "My husband will be home every evening," "My wife will have a hot, four-course meal on the table when I come home."
Expectations are usually formed by what you observed in your home while growing up. But your spouses family may have been much different than your own. Just because your dad helped wash the dishes doesn't mean your husband will want to. If your mother kept an immaculate house, don't assume your wife will be as committed to cleanliness.
If your expectations differ, conflict will result. So the more you discuss your expectations ahead of time, the better your chances of blending together happily.
Learn to resolve conflicts. Many young couples believe a happy marriage has no conflict. Not so! Disagreements, hassles and conflicts are inevitable — they will happen. Happily married couples are those who have learned to resolve conflict through communication, negotiation, compromise and sacrifice.
Conflicts must be resolved for a relationship to survive. Burying your hurts and struggles is like carrying around a sack of rocks. Every new hurt you stuff becomes another rock you drag around. Eventually, the load becomes too heavy and the relationship falls apart.
Resolving conflict is hard work. I'm the kind of person who's comfortable when everybody's happy. For me, it's only the commitment to my mate that keeps me working. I've learned that for the sake of my marriage I have to face conflicts, not run from them.
Go see your doctor. Most states require a premarital blood test, which detects certain diseases. Even if it's not required, it's wise to get a check-up and tests if you or your spouse-to-be have been sexually active. If a sexually transmitted disease does exist, your doctor will explain the ramifications and treatment. Your physician can also discuss birth control options if you plan to delay having children.
Get premarital counseling. A lot of people are afraid of counseling, as if it means they're sick or have something terribly wrong. But many people seek a counselor to help avoid problems. And that's especially important for marriage. A trained expert can point out problems that may arise and guide you toward resolutions.
Background Information
Agency Adoptions
When it is time to evaluate adoption agencies, consider these pros and cons.
Where Have All the Babies Gone?
The top reasons fewer babies are available to the growing number of couples who want to adopt.
Adopting on Your Own
This advice can help single parents who want to adopt children.
Causes and Characteristics of Attachment Disorder
For adoptive parents, attachment issues can be a huge concern.
Independent Adoption
These are the risks and rewards of adopting without the help of an agency.
Questions and Answers
Are adopted children more likely to be rebellious than children raised by biological parents?
Answer
How would you go about telling a child he or she is adopted, and when should that disclosure occur?
Answer
Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
Reflections on Bonding With an Adopted Child
Bonding with an adopted child can take time — and great patience.
A Second Chance at Life
Two adopted children arrived from the most unlikely of sources.
Adoption as Grace
How does enlarging your family reflect God's love?
An Act of Grace
In the midst of ethical ambiguity, one infertility treatment is a welcome development.
Climbing the Hills
A father tells his story of adopting his daughter from Russia.
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?
Related Topics
Life Pressures: Working Moms, Stay-at-Home Moms
Relationships: Blended Families, Divorce, Parents and Adult Children, Caring for Elderly Parents
