adoption
The Myth of Healthy, Happy Extended Families
Myth: After marriage, my relationship with his parents will be the same as when we were dating.
Reality: In a family's eyes, being his girlfriend or fiancée is totally different from being his wife. Walking down the aisle is the first of many steps you will take toward becoming a part of your extended family. Having a healthy relationship with your spouse's parents may take work, but in time it can prove to be a fulfilling and loving connection.
Myth: Once we get married, my wife and I will be free of our parents' control.
Reality: Marriage is supposed to be an act of leaving and cleaving, yet it's often hard for parents to let go. In the first few years of marriage (and unfortunately for some couples, much farther into the future) parents are often prone to give endless advice — and to expect their children to follow their every suggestion or demand. Though at times this counsel may be solicited by a young, na ve couple, if and when it becomes the beacon for all decision making, parents and their married children must recognize the need for boundaries.
Myth: Even though I don't like my in-laws now, I'll feel more like loving them after the marriage.
Reality: Love is a decision, not an emotion. And this holds true for in-laws. You may never feel like loving them. And they may never seem deserving of it. If you didn't like her folks to begin with, the wedding won't change anything. The only thing you can change is your attitude toward them. Start by extending respect, and give love a chance to grow. Remember, by loving her parents, you're loving her.
Myth: I won't have to deal with my in-laws much after the wedding.
Reality: Starting your marriage with this misconception is a recipe for frustration. In-laws are closely connected by more than DNA. You're looking at family reunions, grandparents wanting to spend time with grandchildren, the responsibility to care for aging parents and visits in each other's homes. By readying yourself for the possibility of frequent interaction with extended family, you're in a better position to transform your attitude.
Myth: My in-laws will be totally annoying, intrusive people who will attempt to ruin my marriage.
Reality: Not everyone's mother-in-law is the stereotypical, nosy matriarch portrayed on television sitcoms. And even if you find that your in-laws are overbearing, it's worth it to your spouse (and your marriage) to find their good points and love them for who they are: the people who gave life to your mate. Rather than a complete nuisance, in-laws can be a great blessing: last-minute baby-sitting, heart-to-heart talks, time-tested advice, unconditional love and more. Though you may experience the occasional bump in the road, in-law relationships can ultimately be a great addition to your life and family.
Background Information
Agency Adoptions
When it is time to evaluate adoption agencies, consider these pros and cons.
Where Have All the Babies Gone?
The top reasons fewer babies are available to the growing number of couples who want to adopt.
Adopting on Your Own
This advice can help single parents who want to adopt children.
Causes and Characteristics of Attachment Disorder
For adoptive parents, attachment issues can be a huge concern.
Independent Adoption
These are the risks and rewards of adopting without the help of an agency.
Questions and Answers
Are adopted children more likely to be rebellious than children raised by biological parents?
Answer
How would you go about telling a child he or she is adopted, and when should that disclosure occur?
Answer
Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
Reflections on Bonding With an Adopted Child
Bonding with an adopted child can take time — and great patience.
A Second Chance at Life
Two adopted children arrived from the most unlikely of sources.
Adoption as Grace
How does enlarging your family reflect God's love?
An Act of Grace
In the midst of ethical ambiguity, one infertility treatment is a welcome development.
Climbing the Hills
A father tells his story of adopting his daughter from Russia.
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?
Related Topics
Life Pressures: Working Moms, Stay-at-Home Moms
Relationships: Blended Families, Divorce, Parents and Adult Children, Caring for Elderly Parents
