having a baby
Honey, I'm Pregnant!?
You look at the little white stick with the plus sign and wonder, How could this have happened? Of course, you know all about the birds and the bees — you're married, after all. But why now? How could you go and do this when you feel so completely unprepared? Adding a child to your family is stressful — even when you plan the pregnancy. Making the transition when a baby wasn't part of the immediate plan can be even tougher .
Talk with your doctor. A prenatal appointment early in pregnancy helps to assure that yours and your unborn child's health will be carefully protected. Your doctor can help you understand how to reduce your stress, eat right and prepare for the coming birth. Share your concerns about your unplanned pregnancy with your doctor; he's seen couples in your situation before. He may be able to offer some wise advice on how to come to terms with your little surprise.
Re-focus your thinking. Maybe your career is just getting started or you 've already got your hands full with other children. Perhaps your financial situation will be even tighter with the addition of a new member of the family. Or maybe you and your spouse wanted a little more time with just the two of you. Whatever the reason, remember that this is your child, conceived in love. It is a part of both of you. No matter how unexpected, a child is always a precious gift. Start to think of the good things about having a baby now: You 'll still be young enough to play soccer with your kids, or, if this is a late-in-life surprise, mature enough to know just what being a mom is all about; you'll be able to avoid the stresses of “trying” to get pregnant; you won 't have to worry about the “right” time to have children; the child(ren) you already have will be able to enjoy a sibling playmate. If you start thinking of positives, soon you'll have a long list that will help you feel more confident about the new addition to your family.
Talk to a pastor, counselor, or pregnancy resource center staff member. Having a child is a major life change — especially when you weren't planning for one. Seek advice from someone who will be able to see beyond the early feelings of despair, anxiety and sadness and help you move toward the time when you will happily welcome your new little one.
Take your time. One of the good things about pregnancy is that it lasts nine whole months. That's enough time for most people to make the adjustment to a positive mind-set. As you watch your body grow, feel the baby moving inside you and see her picture on the ultrasound screen, you'll begin to love her even before you can hold her in your arms. Don't try to rush yourself into the adjustment. No matter how you feel before your baby is born, once you see her sweet little face and tiny little fingers and toes, your heart will melt.
Background Information
Why Daddies Matter
Having a baby is one of the most demanding things a woman can do. Having the help of a husband is invaluable.
Congratulations! You're Gonna Be a Dad!
A pregnancy timeline can help Dad know what to expect and what to put on his calendar.
The Cost of Postponing Childbirth
There are many reasons to delay pregnancy, but having a baby later in life is not without risks.
The Psychological Side of Pregnancy
While a woman experiences radical physiological changes during the months before birth, every mother-to-be also undergoes profound psychological changes.
The Wonder of Birth
The body does amazing things to make you a mother.
Questions and Answers
Our 3-year-old daughter was thrilled about having a new brother or sister. Now, however, she shows signs of jealousy. Please suggest some ways I can ease her through this period of adjustment.
Answer
Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
Born too Soon
As with many instances of preterm labor, there was no reason, no explanation, for my wife's water breaking at 27 weeks.
Finding Value in the "Little Things"
Becoming a mother changed my ideas about significance in ways I'd never expected.
Vulnerability
The love a parent feels for her children is a great emotional risk but worth every fear.
Waking Up is Hard to Do
Then again, mostly everything is hard to do when you're pregnant.
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
Learning to Roll With Change
It's not the most fun you'll ever have, but the results are worth it.
Related Topics
Life Pressures: Working Moms, Stay-at-Home Moms
Relationships: Blended Families, Divorce, Parents and Adult Children, Caring for Elderly Parents
