adoption
Empty Nest or Emptiness?
After a dozen years as a single parent, Dan sends his youngest child off to college. Depressed and lonely, he finds himself calling her every day. What should Dan do about the emptiness he feels?
To a parent who has poured much of his energy into child-raising, the empty nest can feel like running into a brick wall at full speed: The impact is immediate and painful. While Dan should have prepared for this moment before the birth of his first child, understanding the parent-child dynamic can help ease the pain.
The empty nest often brings single parents' submerged emotional problems to the surface. When we experience the loss of a relationship through death or divorce, we may fill the emotional void with our children. Yet as author and speaker Ken Davis said on a recent Focus on the Family broadcast, "Parenting is basically working yourself out of a job."
Unfortunately, the parent who fails to recognize this not only risks emotional entanglement with his kids, he may also hinder their maturity. To avoid these problems, keep the following in mind:
- Recognize the seasonal nature of parenting. Mothers and fathers should view their children as Renaissance artists, trained in their hometowns to benefit other communities. As a result, parents should start releasing their kids from birth onward.
- Get a life even before the child leaves home. Involvement in ministry, friendships and hobbies can keep parents from becoming child-centered.
- Grieve the pain of the empty nest. Single parent or not, it hurts when children leave home. Don't skip the mourning process, or bigger problems might crop up later.
- Tell children about the pain without making them responsible for it. Say, "I miss you," not, "Look at how you've hurt me."
Dan can also limit the number of times he calls his daughter, an application of the wisdom shared by Carol Kuykendall in Learning to Let Go (Zondervan): "We must let go, because the ties that bind can also strangle."
Background Information
Agency Adoptions
When it is time to evaluate adoption agencies, consider these pros and cons.
Where Have All the Babies Gone?
The top reasons fewer babies are available to the growing number of couples who want to adopt.
Adopting on Your Own
This advice can help single parents who want to adopt children.
Causes and Characteristics of Attachment Disorder
For adoptive parents, attachment issues can be a huge concern.
Independent Adoption
These are the risks and rewards of adopting without the help of an agency.
Questions and Answers
Are adopted children more likely to be rebellious than children raised by biological parents?
Answer
How would you go about telling a child he or she is adopted, and when should that disclosure occur?
Answer
Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
Reflections on Bonding With an Adopted Child
Bonding with an adopted child can take time — and great patience.
A Second Chance at Life
Two adopted children arrived from the most unlikely of sources.
Adoption as Grace
How does enlarging your family reflect God's love?
An Act of Grace
In the midst of ethical ambiguity, one infertility treatment is a welcome development.
Climbing the Hills
A father tells his story of adopting his daughter from Russia.
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?
Related Topics
Life Pressures: Working Moms, Stay-at-Home Moms
Relationships: Blended Families, Divorce, Parents and Adult Children, Caring for Elderly Parents
