adoption
The Job That Lasts a Lifetime
When the last child turns 18 and heads off to college, your job as a parent is done, right? Not so fast! The phrase "Once a parent, always a parent" is true. Often, parents are surprised to find that the onset of adulthood for their children doesn't translate into renewed childlessness for them. The children may be out of the house — off to college, starting their own families, building careers — but Mom and Dad will always be Mom and Dad.
It's how you parent from this point on that makes the difference.
Geographic distance doesn't necessarily mean relational distance. Sure, they're adults now, with adult responsibilities. But after 18 years of disciplining and directing, it's time for advising and befriending. When the kids leave the nest, your relationship can grow. Parents can befriend and wisely counsel their grown children, and vice versa. Sadly, some inadvertently push them away by attempting to control their actions.
Of course, your children have to want their independence. Some suffer from the "Peter Pan Syndrome": grown offspring who still want to be treated like children. This syndrome cripples many grown children, making it near impossible for them to live their own lives. The scenario is common: an adult child refuses to become self-sufficient, and parents enable their prolonged adolescence by providing food and shelter — and putting up with excuses.
Among the most disturbing dynamics in the empty nest years is when grown children become parents: parents who do things differently than their parents did. It takes great restraint to allow adult children to make their own decisions — and their own mistakes. But the alternative — imposing your opinions on them — will only serve to drive you apart. It's best to reserve comment for life and death situations — or until you're asked.
Done right, family ties can be strong even when all family members reach adulthood. You can be best friends with your grown children — and it's a friendship worth pursuing.
Background Information
Agency Adoptions
When it is time to evaluate adoption agencies, consider these pros and cons.
Where Have All the Babies Gone?
The top reasons fewer babies are available to the growing number of couples who want to adopt.
Adopting on Your Own
This advice can help single parents who want to adopt children.
Causes and Characteristics of Attachment Disorder
For adoptive parents, attachment issues can be a huge concern.
Independent Adoption
These are the risks and rewards of adopting without the help of an agency.
Questions and Answers
Are adopted children more likely to be rebellious than children raised by biological parents?
Answer
How would you go about telling a child he or she is adopted, and when should that disclosure occur?
Answer
Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
Reflections on Bonding With an Adopted Child
Bonding with an adopted child can take time — and great patience.
A Second Chance at Life
Two adopted children arrived from the most unlikely of sources.
Adoption as Grace
How does enlarging your family reflect God's love?
An Act of Grace
In the midst of ethical ambiguity, one infertility treatment is a welcome development.
Climbing the Hills
A father tells his story of adopting his daughter from Russia.
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?
Related Topics
Life Pressures: Working Moms, Stay-at-Home Moms
Relationships: Blended Families, Divorce, Parents and Adult Children, Caring for Elderly Parents
