adoption
Please Don't Change
Change can be difficult for anyone. But it can be traumatic for children who are naturally hesitant about it. For these kids starting a new grade or eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich cut up in a new fashion introduces a stressful situation that causes their world to go topsy-turvy.
If you have children like this, take comfort — they can adjust.
"Children resistant to change can make changes," says Charles F. Boyd, author of Different Children Different Needs, "but they need a parent who understands the difficulties and is willing to walk them through it."
This will stretch parents with a tough-it-out mentality.
According to Boyd: "It doesn't help to say, 'Look, you're going to have to live with change all your life. I got a job transfer, and we're going.' That sends the message, There's something wrong with you because change comes hard. And that's damaging to a child's self-esteem."
Instead, parents should encourage their child's God-designed differences. "The strength of this kind of temperament is that a child can provide security and stability in a safe environment," Boyd says. "The best way to help him is to affirm the child's strength. Then verbally acknowledge, 'I realize this is going to be a difficult time for you.'"
Sometimes parents of a child resistant to change wait until the day the moving van pulls up to tell him the news, instead of dealing with the struggle and emotions. Besides feeling betrayed, this child has been robbed of a valuable growth opportunity.
"You wouldn't be training him to step out of his comfort zone and deal with changes in a healthy way," Boyd says.
He encourages parents to mirror how God treats His children. "God calls us from where we are, deals with who we are, but then puts us in circumstances that are going to require us to stretch and grow."
Stabilizers for the Change-Resistant Child
- Affirm her personality. Explain all the wonderful qualities of a more cautious temperament.
- Tell her a story of when you struggled with change.
- Give her a long process time by letting her know as soon as possible about an upcoming change.
- Listen with understanding. Don't try to talk her out of her feelings. Just hug her. Sometimes silence really is golden.
Background Information
Agency Adoptions
When it is time to evaluate adoption agencies, consider these pros and cons.
Where Have All the Babies Gone?
The top reasons fewer babies are available to the growing number of couples who want to adopt.
Adopting on Your Own
This advice can help single parents who want to adopt children.
Causes and Characteristics of Attachment Disorder
For adoptive parents, attachment issues can be a huge concern.
Independent Adoption
These are the risks and rewards of adopting without the help of an agency.
Questions and Answers
Are adopted children more likely to be rebellious than children raised by biological parents?
Answer
How would you go about telling a child he or she is adopted, and when should that disclosure occur?
Answer
Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
Reflections on Bonding With an Adopted Child
Bonding with an adopted child can take time — and great patience.
A Second Chance at Life
Two adopted children arrived from the most unlikely of sources.
Adoption as Grace
How does enlarging your family reflect God's love?
An Act of Grace
In the midst of ethical ambiguity, one infertility treatment is a welcome development.
Climbing the Hills
A father tells his story of adopting his daughter from Russia.
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?
Related Topics
Life Pressures: Working Moms, Stay-at-Home Moms
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