parents and adult children
Question and Answer
Our 24-year-old daughter came home from college and moved back into her old bedroom. Now, three years later, she's still there. She doesn't work, she has no ambition or direction, and she seems perfectly content to freeload on her dad and me. I know she ought to get on with her life, but what can I do? I can't just force her out, can I?
Your daughter is not alone. Millions of young adults are living at home and loving it. They have no intention of growing up -- and why should they? The nest is just too comfortable there. Food is prepared. Clothes are laundered, and the bills are paid. There's no incentive to face the cold world of reality, and they are determined not to budge. Some, like your daughter, even refuse to work.
I know it's difficult to dislodge a homebound son or daughter. They're like furry little puppies who hang around the back door waiting for a saucer of warm milk. But to let them stay year after year, especially if they're not pursuing career goals, is to cultivate irresponsibility and dependency. That's not love, even though it may feel like it. There comes the time when you must gently but forthrightly hand the reins over to your adult daughter and force her to stand on her own. I think it's time to help her pack.
Giving a shove to a 27-year-old woman may seem cruel at the time, but I encourage you to consider emancipating her. The parental gravy train probably should go around the bend. If that never happens, lasting characteristics of dependency and immaturity may ensue.
I suggest you sit down and talk to your daughter, explaining why the time has come for her to make a life of her own. Set a deadline, perhaps two or three weeks ahead, and begin preparing for it. Then give her a big hug, a promise of prayers, and send her on her way.
Background Information
How Parents and Adult Children Can Rebuild Relationships
Repairing a strong parent-adult child relationship isn't easy, but it is possible. Here's how.
Growing Up and Letting Go
Leaving the nest is hard on parents and children alike.
Questions and Answers
I'm in my mid-20s and the youngest of three children. My mom seems to refuse to recognize that I'm an adult now. How can I transition from her child to her peer/friend?
Answer
Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
Coffee Can Wait
When my son was born, I prayed he would marry a good Christian woman. When he did, my daughter-in-law relationship with me turned out differently than what I expected.
You Can Go Home Again
As parents reach their later years, many children feel the tug to move closer to them.
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
The Myths and Realities of In-law Relationships
When you marry, you become a family in more ways than one.
Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?
Related Topics
Love & Sex: Dating, Living Together
Transitions: Getting Married
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