affairs
Coffee Can Wait
A few years ago my son, Alex, began to become the thoughtful young man we hoped and prayed he'd become—fun to be with and responsible.
Then a cruel thing happened. He moved out.
It felt like we opened our eyes and then he was gone. He became less and less visible. Late at night when the rest of us tried to sleep, he'd come home and clean up the leftovers from dinner. If we wanted to talk to him, we had to slip into the kitchen—until it was time for him to call his girlfriend. Then his last day at our address turned into his first day as a husband.
I love his wife for many reasons, but especially because she loves him. It's written all over her—the way she touches him, watches him and speaks about him. Any praying mother would be thrilled to see a strong Christian woman who wants her husband to be the head of the household.
But one little detail has made this ideal marriage tough. It's a selfish thing—a struggle I pray about. She doesn't need me.
Kay is very close to her mom and her two sisters. She has a rich, rewarding life with many friends and interests. I always expected that my son's wife would become a daughter legally and then morph into a good friend. The coffee shop kind.
Kay doesn't drink coffee, she hates it.
If I engage her in conversation, we have a great time together. She's friendly and laughs at my wit. But there is a tiny wall of not-quite-there between us. I miss my son. He still attends college, and works a few miles from our home. My husband and I occasionally admit to each other that we visited his workplace to get an Alex fix.
We'd love to monopolize Alex and Kay's time and bombard them with invitations to visit every night for dinner. But they are both so busy it's a challenge for them to carve out time alone. We won't infringe on that. So what can we do with this dilemma?
We are going to overlook the things that cause pain when we don't get the time with our son that what we want. The Bible tells us in 1 Peter 4:8 that love covers over a multitude of sins. I imagine it also covers over a multitude of expectations. We'll pray for them to grow as a couple, and we'll delight in God's miracle that two perfectly matched people have chosen to serve God together.
I'm choosing contentment. I haven't lost a son. Though he was given to me for a short period of time, he was never mine to claim and suffocate and destroy—which is what would have happened without the guidance of God.
We gave our son back to God, because He so graciously gave him to us. That means He determines the course, speed and direction of Alex's life. My relationship with my newest daughter also has time to grow and change. I'll be patient and available when she needs me and understanding when she doesn't. And if I recall, I hated coffee until I reached my thirties. Maybe we'll have time for coffee later.
Background Information
The Truth About Emotional Affairs
At work and online, crossing the line from platonic friendship to emotional infidelity happens at an alarming rate.
An All-Too-Common Affair
Why do so many people get trapped in affairs?
Danger Signs of an Affair
Though affairs are often unpredictable, there are recognizable symptoms of a troubled marriage.
Questions and Answers
My marriage seems beyond repair to me. My husband is running around with other women and threatening to divorce me. Is there really any hope for us?
Answer
Is cybersex "cheating"?
Answer
My husband has been having an affair for the past three months. Should I just throw my arms open and pretend the affair never happened?
Answer
Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
Reconcilable Differences
What's the secret to bringing a relationship back from the brink of divorce?
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
A Perfect Love
After a divorce, some amount of healing can occur through community support and learning to change certain behaviors. But complete healing can only come from the one who created us.
The Freedom in Forgiveness
Sometimes the comfort of holding a grudge can blind us to the relief of letting it go.
Special Situations
Even in cases of adultery, abuse and addictions, divorce isn't always the solution.
Forgiveness: What it is and What it Isn't
Understanding and granting forgiveness can help you move past the pain of divorce.
Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?
Related Topics
Love & Sex: Dating, Living Together
Transitions: Getting Married
Abuse & Addictions: Pornography and Cybersex, Physical and Verbal Abuse
