Question and Answer

What’s the biggest hurdle blended families face?

Blended families can face special challenges. But there is a more serious problem that can develop. It concerns the way the new husband and wife feel about their kids. Each is irrationally committed to his or her own flesh and blood, while they're merely acquainted with the others. When fights and insults occur between the two sets of children, they are almost always partial to those they brought into the world. The natural tendency is to let the blended family dissolve into armed camps, us against them. If the kids sense this tension between the parents, they will exploit it to gain power over their siblings.

Some terrible battles can occur unless there are some ways to ventilate these feelings. Given the challenges, it is apparent why the probabilities of second and third marriages being successful are considerably lower than the first. It is possible to blend families successfully, and millions of people have done it. But the task is difficult, and you may need some help in pulling it off. That's why I strongly suggest that those planning to remarry seek professional counseling as early as possible. It is expensive, but another divorce is even more costly.

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Background Information

Portraits of a Stepfamily
A look at different types of stepfamilies can highlight the unique challenges each stepfamily may encounter.

Remarriage--A Step in the Right Direction?
In order to make a step in the right direction for you and your children, you first must understand the challenges of stepfamily living and then make an informed choice about remarriage.

Questions and Answers

As a new stepparent, what can I do to make the transition a smooth one?
Answer

There are many reasons why a teen may react strongly to a new parent. Some may require professional intervention, but others can be handled at home.
Answer

Is remarrying worth it when it involves blending families?
Answer

Television portrays blended families as a peaceful solution to divorce. Is this accurate?
Answer

Review Frequently Asked Questions

Stories

Not the "Normal" Blended Family
Most families become blended through divorce, death and remarriage. Our blend is much different.

Loving the Stepmomster
It wasn't easy, but I did grow to accept the woman my dad remarried.

If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.
Share Your Story

Other Things to Consider

Out of Bounds
Here's how you can identify and deal with destructive patterns in your relationships.

Learning to Roll With Change
It's not the most fun you'll ever have, but the results are worth it.

Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?

Related Topics

Love & Sex: Dating, Living Together

Transitions: Getting Married

Abuse & Addictions: Pornography and Cybersex, Physical and Verbal Abuse

Life Applications

Disciplining As a Team
Present a united front by creating a discipline action plan before you need it, and create a structure and stable environment in which your stepfamily can thrive.

Different Homes, Different Values: Uniting Instead of Fighting
The former spouse would walk away or hang up the phone. The anger became a vicious cycle that had to be broken if our stepfamily was to survive.

Healthy Communication With Your Ex
Words are powerful. Use them wisely.

When You're the Stepparent
Finding an effective stepparent role is indeed a challenge. Yet, with healthy expectations and a specific strategy to build relationship, a satisfying bond can be nurtured.