communication gaps
Question and Answer
There are times when I just don't want to talk at all. My husband understands, but my kids get upset. Can't I just be quiet if I want to?
Silence is itself a powerful form of communication. It's easy to think of silence as neutral. But the absence of a positive message can sometimes be as damaging as the presence of a negative one. Teens will always assign meaning to silence. Coupled with a teen's own insecurities, it can suggest: "She's mad at me," "What did I do wrong?" or "She doesn't really care about me at all." If you must be silent, try to offer at least a few words of explanation — if only to put your children's minds at ease.
It's possible that your "silence" may be more appropriately labeled "quietness," a trait associated with a more introverted personality type. It may require that you force yourself to speak up more often. This may sound like a matter of semantics, but there's a difference between natural quietness and intentionally clamming up in order to be manipulative.
Some parents use silence to "send a message" to family members. They punish with silence and withdraw affection in order to stir specific responses in others. It is very likely teens won't get the intended message, and even more likely that the adolescent's response will compound the problem. Be honest with yourself about your motives. Don't hide behind silence. Be direct with your feelings. If you are angry and awaiting an apology, say so. Avoiding such a confrontation only puts off the inevitable, and can actually make it worse.
Background Information
The Second Decade of Love
Before the kids leave home, find a renaissance in your marriage.
We Need to Talk
Sometimes the biggest problem in a marriage is a matter of words.
Questions and Answers
What distinguishes a healthy marriage from one that is in serious trouble? How can a husband and wife know when their conflicts are within normal limits and when they are symptoms of more serious problems?
Answer
My husband and I never talk about the subject of sex, and this is frustrating to me. Is this a common problem in marriage?
Answer
What advice would you give to a woman whose husband just won't respond to her emotionally? That's my situation. My husband would rather keep his thoughts to himself. How can I deal with the longing inside me?
Answer
Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
A Hope Big Enough
Barbara Wise found out she was HIV positive. What would her fiance do when she told him the devastating news?
Communication Storm
A seemingly harmless question soon had my husband and me in the throes of a conversation meltdown.
Learning to Make Marriage Real
Here's how one newlywed is making her marriage last a lifetime.
Speaking In Code
The language between husband and wife sounds foreign to an outsider. But does each spouse understand what they're saying to one another?
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
Overcoming Bitterness
Holding on to bitterness takes a heavy toll. Letting go requires a new understanding and a new attitude.
Christ, Commitment, Communication
Here are three secrets that can make your marriage last a lifetime.
Marriage Mentoring
Something wonderful happens when a more mature couple reaches out to a new couple. By helping another couple form and live out their dreams, one's own dreams for marriage are reawakened and fulfilled.
Understanding Your Mate
Is your husband too busy or unresponsive? Here's some straight talk to help plug the communication gap in your marriage.
Related Topics
Love & Sex: Dating, Living Together
Transitions: Getting Married
Abuse & Addictions: Pornography and Cybersex, Physical and Verbal Abuse
