affairs
Question and Answer
My husband, Paul, has been having an affair for the past three months and is living with the woman. How should I respond in the event that he leaves her and asks me to forgive him and take him back? Should I just throw my arms open and pretend the affair never happened?
Well, you should certainly take him back. But your power to negotiate necessary changes will never be greater than in that moment, and you should not deal it away too quickly. I would suggest that you get Paul's written commitment to participate in counseling immediately, not even waiting two or three weeks to get started. Old patterns will persist if serious effort is not made to change them. Your family also has some deep wounds to work through, and they're not likely to complete that healing process on their own. You must make it clear that never again -- and I mean never -- will sexual unfaithfulness be tolerated.
Paul needs this motivation to go straight. He must know, and believe, that the sky will fall if he has one more escapade or even a serious flirtation with another lover. You must convince him that you mean business. If he wavers, even slightly, give him another month or two to sit somewhere wishing he could come home. Better that you continue at the door of matrimonial death now than go through the misery of infidelity again in a few years. Finally, insist on some major spiritual commitments within the family. Your marriage is going to need the healing powers of God and His grace if you are to rebuild what sin has eroded.
Background Information
The Truth About Emotional Affairs
At work and online, crossing the line from platonic friendship to emotional infidelity happens at an alarming rate.
An All-Too-Common Affair
Why do so many people get trapped in affairs?
Danger Signs of an Affair
Though affairs are often unpredictable, there are recognizable symptoms of a troubled marriage.
Questions and Answers
My marriage seems beyond repair to me. My husband is running around with other women and threatening to divorce me. Is there really any hope for us?
Answer
Is cybersex "cheating"?
Answer
Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
Reconcilable Differences
What's the secret to bringing a relationship back from the brink of divorce?
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
A Perfect Love
After a divorce, some amount of healing can occur through community support and learning to change certain behaviors. But complete healing can only come from the one who created us.
The Freedom in Forgiveness
Sometimes the comfort of holding a grudge can blind us to the relief of letting it go.
Special Situations
Even in cases of adultery, abuse and addictions, divorce isn't always the solution.
Forgiveness: What it is and What it Isn't
Understanding and granting forgiveness can help you move past the pain of divorce.
Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?
Related Topics
Love & Sex: Dating, Living Together
Transitions: Getting Married
Abuse & Addictions: Pornography and Cybersex, Physical and Verbal Abuse
