affairs
The Myths and Realities of In-law Relationships
Myth: After marriage, my relationship with his parents will be the same as when we were dating.
Reality: In a family's eyes, being his girlfriend or fianc e is totally different than being his wife. Walking down the aisle is the first of many steps you will take toward becoming a part of your extended family. Having a healthy relationship with your spouse's parents may take work, but in time, can prove to be a fulfilling and loving connection.
Myth: Once we get married, my wife and I will be free of our parents' control.
Reality: Marriage is supposed to be an act of leaving and cleaving, yet it's often hard for parents to let go. In the first few years of marriage (and unfortunately for some couples, much farther into the future) parents are often prone to give endless advice — and to expect their children to follow their every suggestion or demand. Though at times this counsel may be solicited by a young, na ve couple, if and when it becomes the beacon for all decision making, parents and their married children must recognize the need for boundaries.
Myth: Even though I don't like my in-laws now, I'll feel more like loving them after the marriage.
Reality: Love is a decision, not an emotion. And this holds true for in-laws. You may never feel like loving them. And they may never seem deserving of it. If you didn't like her folks to begin with, the wedding won't change anything. The only thing you can change is your attitude toward them. Start by extending respect, and give love a chance to grow. Remember, by loving her parents, you're loving her.
Myth: I won't have to deal with my in-laws much after the wedding.
Reality: Starting your marriage with this misconception is a recipe for frustration. In-laws are closely connected by more than DNA. You're looking at family reunions, grandparents wanting to spend time with grandchildren, the responsibility to care for aging parents and visits in each other's homes. By readying yourself for the possibility of frequent interaction with extended family, you're in a better position to transform your attitude.
Myth: My in-laws will be totally annoying, intrusive people who will attempt to ruin my marriage.
Reality: Not everyone's mother-in-law is the stereotypical, nosy matriarch portrayed on television sitcoms. And even if you find that your in-laws are overbearing, it's worth it to your spouse (and your marriage) to find their good points and love them for who they are: the people who gave life to your mate. Rather than a complete nuisance, in-laws can be a great blessing: last-minute baby-sitting, heart-to-heart talks, time-tested advice, unconditional love and more. Though you may experience the occasional bump in the road, in-law relationships can ultimately be a great addition to your life and family.
Background Information
The Truth About Emotional Affairs
At work and online, crossing the line from platonic friendship to emotional infidelity happens at an alarming rate.
An All-Too-Common Affair
Why do so many people get trapped in affairs?
Danger Signs of an Affair
Though affairs are often unpredictable, there are recognizable symptoms of a troubled marriage.
Questions and Answers
My marriage seems beyond repair to me. My husband is running around with other women and threatening to divorce me. Is there really any hope for us?
Answer
Is cybersex "cheating"?
Answer
My husband has been having an affair for the past three months. Should I just throw my arms open and pretend the affair never happened?
Answer
Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
Reconcilable Differences
What's the secret to bringing a relationship back from the brink of divorce?
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
A Perfect Love
After a divorce, some amount of healing can occur through community support and learning to change certain behaviors. But complete healing can only come from the one who created us.
The Freedom in Forgiveness
Sometimes the comfort of holding a grudge can blind us to the relief of letting it go.
Special Situations
Even in cases of adultery, abuse and addictions, divorce isn't always the solution.
Forgiveness: What it is and What it Isn't
Understanding and granting forgiveness can help you move past the pain of divorce.
Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?
Related Topics
Love & Sex: Dating, Living Together
Transitions: Getting Married
Abuse & Addictions: Pornography and Cybersex, Physical and Verbal Abuse
