parents and adult children
When the In-laws are in Town
My friend had a problem. "Susan," she said, "you know I've struggled with my mother and my in-laws. Fortunately, we don't live in the same town. But now, my husband has been offered a great job in the town where they all live. If we move, my mother — who is old and all alone — will expect our attention. My in-laws will also expect us to visit often. But our values are different from theirs. They spoil our kids and give our son candy, even though he's allergic to it. No matter what, I won't be able to please everyone, and I'm afraid the tension might hurt our marriage."
My friend's problem is all too common. How do we build strong relationships with parents and in-laws? What can we do when we disagree in crucial areas? Is it possible to please our mates and parents at the same time? And how do we develop good relationships between grandparents and grandchildren? Here are some actions we can take to strengthen the bonds between generations.
Show thoughtfulness
It's easy to expect our parents to initiate activities with us. After all, they are our parents. We've grown up responding to them. So we wait. But could it be they're waiting for us to reach out to them?
The answer is yes.
Jodie has always had a difficult relationship with her dad, and yet she longs to grow closer to him. As we chatted, I asked her, "What does your dad like to do?"
After thinking for a moment, she replied, "Well, he often goes on long walks."
"Ask if you could join him for a walk," I suggested. "Go with him with no other objective in mind than to enjoy being with him. And go as often as you can. You'll be amazed how a simple walk can open the doors to a deeper relationship."
Background Information
How Parents and Adult Children Can Rebuild Relationships
Repairing a strong parent-adult child relationship isn't easy, but it is possible. Here's how.
Growing Up and Letting Go
Leaving the nest is hard on parents and children alike.
Questions and Answers
Our 24-year-old daughter came home from college and moved back into her old bedroom. Now, three years later, she's still there. She doesn't work, she has no ambition or direction, and she seems perfectly content to freeload on her dad and me. I know she ought to get on with her life, but what can I do? I can't just force her out, can I?
Answer
I'm in my mid-20s and the youngest of three children. My mom seems to refuse to recognize that I'm an adult now. How can I transition from her child to her peer/friend?
Answer
Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
Coffee Can Wait
When my son was born, I prayed he would marry a good Christian woman. When he did, my daughter-in-law relationship with me turned out differently than what I expected.
You Can Go Home Again
As parents reach their later years, many children feel the tug to move closer to them.
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
The Myths and Realities of In-law Relationships
When you marry, you become a family in more ways than one.
Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?
Related Topics
Love & Sex: Dating, Living Together
Transitions: Getting Married
Abuse & Addictions: Pornography and Cybersex, Physical and Verbal Abuse
