parents and adult children
Growing Up and Letting Go
"I'll explain it when you grow up …" "Don't be in such a hurry to grow up." "I wish you would just grow up!" These timeworn phrases follow you throughout life — sometimes encouraging you, sometimes frustrating you. As you enter your adult years, or as you watch your children pass through this gateway into adulthood, knowing how to recognize the time for independence is crucial to a healthy parent-child relationship.
Responsibilities increase during the post-adolescent years (approximately late teens to mid-20s). During this time, young adults face many life changes — going to college, getting married, becoming parents, purchasing a car and establishing a home. Though grown children often seek parental guidance, financial help and emotional support during this tumultuous yet exciting time, they also expect (and may demand) independence. The fine line between helping your child and holding their hand must be navigated.
One of the best ways to make this transition smooth is to plan ahead and prepare for some major changes and challenges — whether you're releasing your child, or being released by your parents. Just a few of the situations you or your grown child might face include:
- Establishing identity
- Balancing priorities
- Loneliness
- Financial struggles
- Dating/finding a mate
- Relationship struggles
- Searching for a career
- Developing political views
- Dealing with conflict at work or school
- Feeling social pressure to "fit in"
This is just a partial list but it offers a small taste of things to come. A functional relationship with parents, strengthened by open, honest communication, provides a great base for making the move from child to adult. More than likely, as illustrated in the familiar analogy of a baby learning to walk, your child will take some nasty spills — be it debt, marital problems, an unplanned pregnancy or difficulty in school or on the job. This is a time of great freedom, great responsibility and, hopefully, of establishing love and respect that will last through your — and their — lives.
Background Information
How Parents and Adult Children Can Rebuild Relationships
Repairing a strong parent-adult child relationship isn't easy, but it is possible. Here's how.
Questions and Answers
Our 24-year-old daughter came home from college and moved back into her old bedroom. Now, three years later, she's still there. She doesn't work, she has no ambition or direction, and she seems perfectly content to freeload on her dad and me. I know she ought to get on with her life, but what can I do? I can't just force her out, can I?
Answer
I'm in my mid-20s and the youngest of three children. My mom seems to refuse to recognize that I'm an adult now. How can I transition from her child to her peer/friend?
Answer
Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
Coffee Can Wait
When my son was born, I prayed he would marry a good Christian woman. When he did, my daughter-in-law relationship with me turned out differently than what I expected.
You Can Go Home Again
As parents reach their later years, many children feel the tug to move closer to them.
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
The Myths and Realities of In-law Relationships
When you marry, you become a family in more ways than one.
Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?
Related Topics
Love & Sex: Dating, Living Together
Transitions: Getting Married
Abuse & Addictions: Pornography and Cybersex, Physical and Verbal Abuse
