caring for elderly parents
If I End Up Like Terri: An Open Letter to My Wife
Dear Janelle,
These last few months have troubled me deeply. And I have a request that I hope you'll have the courage and strength to honor: If I ever become like Terri Schiavo, please don't put me through what she has endured.
After fighting cancer for 10 years; after suffering through multiple courses of toxic drugs; after two stem-cell transplants and 16 dismal weeks in a hospital room, tied to tangles of tubes, I've only scratched the surface of her misery. I feel as if I've scaled great mountains of suffering only to find I'm in the foothills of a range that towers beyond sight.
Dear, if I'm ever forced to scale that range, if I ever become like Terri — whether through the myriad drugs I'm taking, future treatments or the cancer itself — please don't pull my feeding tube. Instead, if at all possible, take me and my tube home, where I can live out my days with you and the kids, and where friends can come and go as they wish.
Put me in a place where I won't be in the way, but can still sense the activity of life around me. Talk to me; share your hopes, fears and failures with me. Read me books. I may not understand, but perhaps I'll sense the warmth of a lover's voice. And I promise I won't interrupt, or give away your secrets. And deep down inside, perhaps I'll groan a wordless prayer for you.
And please, please, please don't crush what's left of me by taking another lover while I still live. You're my wife, Dear, my only lover. Apart from God alone, you're the one person who daily breathes confidence and acceptance into my life. You're the one with whom I can feel unashamed and completely at home. I can absorb the loss of many things. But please don't rob me of that. Abide with me, as you have done so faithfully through our many years of trauma and tears.
This is my wish, Dear. I hope to live with you a good many years. I hope to grow old with you and see our grandchildren. But if I don't, know that I love you and that I always will. I promise ... just as I did a quarter century ago.
With all my love,
Mark
Background Information
Hospice: Offering Quality of Life to the End of Life
Approximately 30 years ago, a U.S. volunteer movement began that would revolutionize health care.
Advance Medical Directives
This comparison between Living Wills versus Durable Power of Attorney can help you make informed health care decisions for your aging parent.
Aging or Alzheimer's
Regular signs of growing older often get paralleled with Alzheimer's. Find out the difference.
Caregiving Support Systems
Providing for an aging parent can be stressful. It's important to be surrounded by others who can help.
Help From Hospice
For terminally ill patients, hospice is often a welcomed care option.
Questions and Answers
How can we show concern and respect for the elderly?
Answer
Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
Making My Mother's End-of-Life Decision
If Mom lived, would she want to be a "vegetable" the rest of her life? What if she never came out of her coma? What would she want us to end her life?
Full Circle
From child to parent, one woman reflects on caring for her mother.
The Long Goodbye
A daughter faces the harsh reality of her mother's Alzheimer's disease and the difficulty of loving the stranger her mother has become.
You Can Go Home Again
As parents reach their later years, many children feel the tug to move closer to them.
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
Loneliness and Depression Afflicting the Elderly
If you know an elderly person who you suspect is clinically depressed, don't brush it off. Do whatever is necessary to get them the help they need.
Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?
Related Topics
Love & Sex: Dating, Living Together
Transitions: Getting Married
Abuse & Addictions: Pornography and Cybersex, Physical and Verbal Abuse
