affairs
If I End Up Like Terri: An Open Letter to My Wife
Dear Janelle,
These last few months have troubled me deeply. And I have a request that I hope you'll have the courage and strength to honor: If I ever become like Terri Schiavo, please don't put me through what she has endured.
After fighting cancer for 10 years; after suffering through multiple courses of toxic drugs; after two stem-cell transplants and 16 dismal weeks in a hospital room, tied to tangles of tubes, I've only scratched the surface of her misery. I feel as if I've scaled great mountains of suffering only to find I'm in the foothills of a range that towers beyond sight.
Dear, if I'm ever forced to scale that range, if I ever become like Terri — whether through the myriad drugs I'm taking, future treatments or the cancer itself — please don't pull my feeding tube. Instead, if at all possible, take me and my tube home, where I can live out my days with you and the kids, and where friends can come and go as they wish.
Put me in a place where I won't be in the way, but can still sense the activity of life around me. Talk to me; share your hopes, fears and failures with me. Read me books. I may not understand, but perhaps I'll sense the warmth of a lover's voice. And I promise I won't interrupt, or give away your secrets. And deep down inside, perhaps I'll groan a wordless prayer for you.
And please, please, please don't crush what's left of me by taking another lover while I still live. You're my wife, Dear, my only lover. Apart from God alone, you're the one person who daily breathes confidence and acceptance into my life. You're the one with whom I can feel unashamed and completely at home. I can absorb the loss of many things. But please don't rob me of that. Abide with me, as you have done so faithfully through our many years of trauma and tears.
This is my wish, Dear. I hope to live with you a good many years. I hope to grow old with you and see our grandchildren. But if I don't, know that I love you and that I always will. I promise ... just as I did a quarter century ago.
With all my love,
Mark
Background Information
The Truth About Emotional Affairs
At work and online, crossing the line from platonic friendship to emotional infidelity happens at an alarming rate.
An All-Too-Common Affair
Why do so many people get trapped in affairs?
Danger Signs of an Affair
Though affairs are often unpredictable, there are recognizable symptoms of a troubled marriage.
Questions and Answers
My marriage seems beyond repair to me. My husband is running around with other women and threatening to divorce me. Is there really any hope for us?
Answer
Is cybersex "cheating"?
Answer
My husband has been having an affair for the past three months. Should I just throw my arms open and pretend the affair never happened?
Answer
Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
Reconcilable Differences
What's the secret to bringing a relationship back from the brink of divorce?
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
A Perfect Love
After a divorce, some amount of healing can occur through community support and learning to change certain behaviors. But complete healing can only come from the one who created us.
The Freedom in Forgiveness
Sometimes the comfort of holding a grudge can blind us to the relief of letting it go.
Special Situations
Even in cases of adultery, abuse and addictions, divorce isn't always the solution.
Forgiveness: What it is and What it Isn't
Understanding and granting forgiveness can help you move past the pain of divorce.
Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?
Related Topics
Love & Sex: Dating, Living Together
Transitions: Getting Married
Abuse & Addictions: Pornography and Cybersex, Physical and Verbal Abuse
