affairs
Anger Alert
Anger is a secondary emotion that results from a combination of hurt/disappointment and worry/anxiety. While these factors never justify wrong or foolish behavior, getting to the root of the problem may enable the conversation to continue without it turning ugly. Here are some ways to constructively deal with angry feelings:
- Aim your questions at the deeper issues. Ask your daughter what her disappointment is. This may be an unmet felt need or an unfulfilled expectation. Ask her what she may be feeling worried about. Help her find the "what if" phrases that are lurking in her thinking. "What if I can't " or "What if my friends think "
- Be careful not to patronize her. If you "talk down" to your daughter, making her feel stupid or childish, she will resent it. Condescension often triggers defensiveness and anger. Give her whatever credit you can for being mature and able to use common sense. Teens tend to live up to — or down to — our expectations of them.
- Getting angry isn't a sin. It is the expression of that anger that can be right or wrong (Ephesians 4:26). Anger shouldn't be used to hurt, intimidate or manipulate. Never attack your daughter's character, or let her attack yours. Anger can be verbally expressed with respect when it's aimed at specific behavior or the issue in question. For example, "I am really angry that you lied to me."
- Don't let anger serve as a smoke screen. Teens and adults often use anger to intimidate or derail the conversation. It can be a diversionary tactic for turning attention away from their own negative actions. If you think your daughter is trying to manipulate the exchange with her anger, call her on it. Take time to cool off, then return to the core issue in a little while.
- Keep a close watch on your anger level. I realize you are concerned for your daughter's anger problem, but she may actually come by it "honestly." Some parents feel justified expressing their own anger in unhealthy ways because of their level of authority. Wrong. Model what you want your daughter to emulate.
Background Information
The Truth About Emotional Affairs
At work and online, crossing the line from platonic friendship to emotional infidelity happens at an alarming rate.
An All-Too-Common Affair
Why do so many people get trapped in affairs?
Danger Signs of an Affair
Though affairs are often unpredictable, there are recognizable symptoms of a troubled marriage.
Questions and Answers
My marriage seems beyond repair to me. My husband is running around with other women and threatening to divorce me. Is there really any hope for us?
Answer
Is cybersex "cheating"?
Answer
My husband has been having an affair for the past three months. Should I just throw my arms open and pretend the affair never happened?
Answer
Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
Reconcilable Differences
What's the secret to bringing a relationship back from the brink of divorce?
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
A Perfect Love
After a divorce, some amount of healing can occur through community support and learning to change certain behaviors. But complete healing can only come from the one who created us.
The Freedom in Forgiveness
Sometimes the comfort of holding a grudge can blind us to the relief of letting it go.
Special Situations
Even in cases of adultery, abuse and addictions, divorce isn't always the solution.
Forgiveness: What it is and What it Isn't
Understanding and granting forgiveness can help you move past the pain of divorce.
Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?
Related Topics
Love & Sex: Dating, Living Together
Transitions: Getting Married
Abuse & Addictions: Pornography and Cybersex, Physical and Verbal Abuse
