dating
Question and Answer
Our 16-year-old daughter has started dating. How do we help her keep perspective and avoid trouble?
First, let me acknowledge that many families feel uncomfortable with the traditional concept of dating. I can't say I blame them. It really has become a minefield out there. And certainly there are other ways for teens to build good relationships. But for those families currently navigating the world of "dating," several thoughts may be helpful.
Conversations between parents and teens in this area often suffer from unclear terms and expectations. For example, if you express worry about your daughter "getting too physical," she may be thinking, "Okay, we won't get sexually involved." But your concern is probably deeper still, desiring that she show self-respect, good judgment and grow in purity. Articulate that. Discuss healthy boundaries. Make sure her definitions and expectations clearly coincide with yours. It's up to you to initiate and frame the discussion using godly wisdom.
Also, teens often lump their parents into that group of adults bent on spoiling their fun, ruining their lives and preventing their happiness. (Remember those days?) Yes, kids even define us erroneously — and are encouraged to do so by much of the entertainment media! Again, clarify your love for her and your God-given responsibility for her well-being. Sure, you understand her need for fun; the thrill of romance and the sense of urgency peer pressure creates. You also understand the emotional hurdles that await, and wish to help her avoid unnecessary pain.
By taking initiative and defining your family standard for dating (including curfews, conduct, where she's allowed to go — and with whom), you will be setting up a cooperative process. Set clear boundaries, and make it equally clear that exceeding them will lead to specific consequences.
Finally, let me suggest one approach that can single-handedly answer numerous concerns: "group dating." Social interaction with a group can provide more relaxed fun and foster additional friendships. Instead of donning a "dating face," teens are more likely to be themselves, and won't be as easily tempted with physical intimacy.
Background Information
Breaking Up is Hard to Do
The pain of a broken relationship is real, but not forever.
To Date or Not to Date
How you view dating and marriage will determine your teen's expectation when he goes to middle and high school.
Questions and Answers
Proms sure have changed since I was in school. I'm a little nervous about allowing my teenage daughter to go. What should I do?
Answer
Should we discourage our son from getting involved in a "summer romance"?
Answer
Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
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Who's On First
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Kiss Me Now
One couple's decision to postpone physical affection of even the simplest kind.
Related Topics
Relationships: Blended Families, Parents and Adult Children
Transitions: Preparing for Adolescence, Empty Nest
