crisis pregnancy
Let go of the Reins
With tears pouring down her cheeks, Christy raised her hand during a parenting seminar I was teaching at my church in Fullerton, Calif.
“I’m a single parent, and it’s really hard for me to let anyone else care for my children,” she said in a voice choked with emotion. I know I should, but I want to protect them from anything that could go wrong. They’ve already been through so much, and — before she could finish, she cupped her hands over her face and cried as the woman beside her wrapped her arm around her shoulders. Christy’s tears turned to sobs as the other moms and dads looked on with compassion. Since her husband left, the mere thought of letting her children out of eyesight sent her into hysterics.
Over and over again, I talk to single parents who cannot loosen the grip they have on their children, much less push them out of the nest. Like Christy, some fear that letting their kids go will expose them to more hurt. Others hold on because they feel significant when their children need them. Even more common is the parent who feels he or she can make better decisions than his or her kids can make for themselves.
And they’re right — God has placed parents in authority so they can mold and direct their kids’ lives. If you’re a mom or dad, you should be holding the reins. It’s when you’re holding on too tight that the trouble begins. Whether you’re a single parent with a toddler or a teenager, gradually handing them control for anything they’re capable of doing is essential to their emotional health. After all, they are God’s children, and He gave them to you so you could give them back.
The battle line
As I traveled the unmarked road of parenting, letting my own children make decisions was one of the steepest hills I ever attempted. In many ways, Darcy, my oldest, paved the way for rne to give more freedom to my son, Mark, sooner. I learned that some of the things I thought were principles were actually matters of preference.
Today, both Darcy and Mark are young adults, and I’m starting to see the fruits of my labor. Though it was a long, hard battle, the rewards have been worth it. Now I travel across the country speaking to moms and dads in every stage of parenting. I tell them what I learned along the way to make the process of letting go a little smoother.
For more by this author, visit www.KathyCollardMiller.com.
Background Information
Behind the Scenes of a Teen Pregnancy
A look at the thoughts and feelings she — and you — are going through.
Abortion Risks
While abortion seems like a "quick fix" for a long-term problem, it is a permanent decision that carries physical, emotional and spiritual risks.
Deciding About Adoption
When considering adoption as an alterative to raising your baby, these answers may dispel adoption myths.
Questions and Answers
Why do I feel like this pregnancy has pulled me in so many different directions? I feel so overwhelmed with all the ramifications of this decision I must make. How can I sort it all out?
Answer
My pregnant daughter has her whole life still ahead of her. Would it be better for her to place her baby with a family through adoption, parent her baby or have an abortion?
Answer
Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
Things Seen and Unseen
A woman in a white coat walked into the room and flipped on the fluorescent lights, jarring my wife awake. The jarring was just beginning.
Left to Suffer
Abortion can leave a woman feeling more empty and alone than she ever dreamed possible.
Life is Sacred
Sometimes the choices we make bring pain. Thankfully, one woman turned to God for healing.
Taboo Grief: Men and Abortion
It's not something most men talk about, but the ones who've lost a child to abortion bear many scars.
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
Faith Helps
God may be the only person who understands what you're going through.
What the Choice is All About
For a long time it baffled me. I could never understand why anyone would want to be pro-choice. But this past week I finally got it.
Related Topics
Relationships: Blended Families, Parents and Adult Children
Transitions: Preparing for Adolescence, Empty Nest
