crisis pregnancy
An Endless Debate
As your son moves into his teen years, "rules" should slowly give way to "advice." This transition will usually be slower than he wants and faster than you want! Still, it needs to take place. Rethink the old rules. Determine which battles are really worth fighting, and which issues are important enough to risk damaging the relationship. Some absolutes are worth that conflict, but they are few, and should be chosen carefully. Once you are confident about which rules to keep intact, clearly communicate your position on those key issues, and don't waffle when challenged. All other areas are now open for negotiation in a whole new context.
Very rarely are teenagers given the opportunity to learn proper negotiating skills. If you already have a style that works for you in the business world, describe it to your son. Practice it. Rely on it. If you have no specific method, try these steps:
- Begin by stating the issue clearly enough for everyone to understand.
- Stick to one subject at a time. If the conversation drifts, bring it back to the core issue.
- Establish all the points that you both agree on, even if they seem obvious. This key step is often overlooked.
- Use "I" rather than "you" statements. "I don't understand" will go a lot farther than "You don't make any sense!"
- Accept ahead of time that the final solution may not be exactly what you want, but a result of the give and take inherent to negotiation.
- Once an agreement is reached, summarize it for everyone involved so there will be no misunderstanding later on.
Two words of warning. First, there's a difference between "negotiating" and "manipulating." Manipulation is taking with no legitimate giving. Don't allow yourself to be on either end of it. Also, on rare occasions there's a need for immediate obedience that transcends negotiation. If such a situation arises, communicate clearly, "I want you to obey now out of necessity; we can discuss the whole matter later."
Background Information
Behind the Scenes of a Teen Pregnancy
A look at the thoughts and feelings she — and you — are going through.
Abortion Risks
While abortion seems like a "quick fix" for a long-term problem, it is a permanent decision that carries physical, emotional and spiritual risks.
Deciding About Adoption
When considering adoption as an alterative to raising your baby, these answers may dispel adoption myths.
Questions and Answers
Why do I feel like this pregnancy has pulled me in so many different directions? I feel so overwhelmed with all the ramifications of this decision I must make. How can I sort it all out?
Answer
My pregnant daughter has her whole life still ahead of her. Would it be better for her to place her baby with a family through adoption, parent her baby or have an abortion?
Answer
Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
Things Seen and Unseen
A woman in a white coat walked into the room and flipped on the fluorescent lights, jarring my wife awake. The jarring was just beginning.
Left to Suffer
Abortion can leave a woman feeling more empty and alone than she ever dreamed possible.
Life is Sacred
Sometimes the choices we make bring pain. Thankfully, one woman turned to God for healing.
Taboo Grief: Men and Abortion
It's not something most men talk about, but the ones who've lost a child to abortion bear many scars.
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
Faith Helps
God may be the only person who understands what you're going through.
What the Choice is All About
For a long time it baffled me. I could never understand why anyone would want to be pro-choice. But this past week I finally got it.
Related Topics
Relationships: Blended Families, Parents and Adult Children
Transitions: Preparing for Adolescence, Empty Nest
