homosexuality
Relating to Your Gay Child
There are several steps to a new breakthrough in relating with your gay child:
- Seek God for the truth. Ask Him, “Are there choices I made in my past that were sinful, that I need to repent of, that I need to confess to my child?” “Do I need to ask my child's forgiveness?”
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Go to your child and talk about it. You initiate the discussion. Confess the truth: “Tony, I know that I made some wrong choices in my life that I believe have profoundly impacted you. You grew up without a father, and that was a result of my wrong choices. Can you forgive me?” Be vulnerable: “Are there specific incidents you remember where I offended you?”
Dads, some sons can remember specific incidents of rejection or perceived rejection that cause them pain to this day. This gives an opportunity for them to get out the pain, so it no longer is hidden.
Remember: It is your child's perception of the event — not necessarily the event itself — that shapes their pain. Some of our words and actions were unintentional; we didn't realize how we were impacting our child's life. In other cases, it was due to our own immaturity, or treating our child as we were treated. For example, the boy who “never felt accepted by Dad.” Maybe his father was athletic and appeared to favor his other son, who was a sports nut. When another son came along and wanted to take violin, Dad laughed and called him a “sissy.”
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Based on your child's answers to your questions, take the next appropriate step: Ask for forgiveness if necessary. Explain your perception of the situation. (“I didn't realize how much I hurt you that day. Will you forgive me?”)
If we want our children to face the truth about their sin, we must model our commitment to the truth about our sin. If we want them to repent, we must model repentance. If we want them to see themselves through God's eyes, we must also be willing to see ourselves through God's eyes. In doing this, we return to our rightful place as a parent: we model Christ-like behavior to our children. It may be the most difficult thing we have ever done, but we are hoping they will do a very difficult thing — leave homosexuality.
Background Information
An Ounce of Prevention
Myths about homosexuality abound. Not least is the notion that, for some people, homosexuality is inevitable.
Born Gay?
How can you debunk the claim of biological determinism?
Struggling With Homosexuality
These questions and answers are designed to help men and women dealing with same-sex attraction work through the confusion.
The Causes of Homosexuality
Here are three possible reasons why your child is gay.
The Guilt of Homosexuality
Are parents to blame when their son or daughter comes out of the "closet"?
Questions and Answers
My friend is a lesbian, and she thinks it is okay. How do I tell her this isn't okay with God?
Answer
Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
Finding His Way Out
One man proves it is possible to escape the grip of homosexuality.
My Father's Closet
When Dad leaves Mom for another woman, the wounds are deep. But what do you do when he leaves for another man?
Not What I'd Expected
Having a gay father-in-law was the beginning of lessons on love and compassion amidst different beliefs and values.
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
I Think I Might Be Gay!
This article, written for teen girls, points out that admiring the qualities, characteristics, or fashion sense of another female does not make you gay.
Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?
Related Topics
Relationships: Blended Families, Parents and Adult Children
Transitions: Preparing for Adolescence, Empty Nest
