homosexuality
Struggling With Homosexuality
I'm attracted to people of my same sex, so this must mean I'm gay.
Attraction to someone of your same sex does not brand you as a homosexual. Often same-sex attractions involve more emotional attachment than sexual chemistry. Perhaps you are drawn to the engaging kindness, generosity or affirmations of a person of your same sex.
If you've lacked healthy bonding in your childhood, especially with your same-sex parent, you may be highly dependent on other same-gender relationships to fill your void for validation and security. You may also confuse healthy same-sex demonstrations of love and acceptance as sexual overtures.
Homosexuality is a relational problem of satisfying emotional needs in an unhealthy way. You can stuff your confused sexual feelings or act out on them and slide into sexual entrapment. Or you can seek help to sort out the root issues to your sexual attractions.
I've experimented sexually with someone of my same sex so this proves that I am a homosexual.
Sexual experimentation with someone of the same sex is most likely to occur among young people who are adjusting to their changing bodies and budding sexual feelings. A sexual encounter does not mean either or both participants are gay. Sex is solely intended for male and female adults in a marriage relationship. God never intended for you to express yourself emotionally and sexually in homosexual activity. If you have experienced a same-sex liaison, you may need to grieve your loss of innocence and the wounding of your soul, but this does not label you as gay.
It is crucial that you do not let a sexual encounter with someone of your same sex develop into a pattern. It may be time to seek appropriate help to reclaim your sexual wholeness.
Since childhood, I've always preferred typically ‘girly' things, even though I'm a guy. There's no question I must be gay.
Just because you prefer more feminine, rather that typically masculine, things does not mean you are gay. The same goes for females who prefer more masculine things. Many people venture outside "typical" gender roles when it comes to interests and activities. Such behavior is not an indicator of their sexuality. Perhaps you've faced teasing and rejection for your more feminine interests or even your body build or a sensitivity. These negative experiences can lead you to feel "different" and question your sexual identity.
It's important for you to understand that you were not born with homosexual genes. After decades of intense study, no conclusive empirical evidence shows biological, genetic or hormonal causes for homosexuality. Increasing data, however, supports an environmental and societal connection to sexual orientation.
I understand that there is no way to change homosexual behavior. Once you've lived the gay lifestyle, simply reversing it and being heterosexual just isn't possible or culturally acceptable.
Change is always possible, but it is never easy. Disengaging from homosexual behavior is typically not a miraculous event, but a painstaking process of emotional and spiritual work. God placed the capacity for heterosexuality in the heart of everyone, so He understands what is required for each individual to forsake homosexual preferences.
The Bible talks about two oppositional natures warring within. "Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge. … I'm at the end of my rope" (Romans 7:23-24, The Message). Coming to the end of yourself and unhealthy sexual practices is part of surrendering your will to God's best for your life.
God offers forgiveness and unconditional love and acceptance as people seek deep abiding change through His ever-present help. Thousands of ex-gays speak to the realities of a transformation in sexual behavior and the rewards of sexual healing. Working through underlying relational and abuse problems are crucial to healing. You can learn to replace destructive behaviors with wise choices one day at a time.
I struggle with homosexual thoughts and see this as a sign that I must eventually act on these thoughts.
Struggling with homosexual thoughts does not automatically lead to acting on these thoughts. Each of us is responsible for turning away from unhealthy thoughts and temptations or allowing these thoughts and temptations to cross over into harmful behavior. There is a difference between facing sexual temptations and letting those temptations simmer into lust.
Thinking sexually about someone of your same sex may bring immediate pleasure, but this quick fix breeds long-term dissatisfaction. As with any unhealthy thought pattern, the key to mastering your thoughts is to surrender them to God and ask Him to transform you from the inside out by renewing your mind. Don't be discouraged if your troubling sexual thoughts don't immediately dissipate. Lasting freedom is won step by step, thought by thought.
Background Information
An Ounce of Prevention
Myths about homosexuality abound. Not least is the notion that, for some people, homosexuality is inevitable.
Born Gay?
How can you debunk the claim of biological determinism?
The Causes of Homosexuality
Here are three possible reasons why your child is gay.
The Guilt of Homosexuality
Are parents to blame when their son or daughter comes out of the "closet"?
The Sexual Developmental Stages
How do males develop homosexual attractions?
Questions and Answers
My friend is a lesbian, and she thinks it is okay. How do I tell her this isn't okay with God?
Answer
Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
Finding His Way Out
One man proves it is possible to escape the grip of homosexuality.
My Father's Closet
When Dad leaves Mom for another woman, the wounds are deep. But what do you do when he leaves for another man?
Not What I'd Expected
Having a gay father-in-law was the beginning of lessons on love and compassion amidst different beliefs and values.
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
I Think I Might Be Gay!
This article, written for teen girls, points out that admiring the qualities, characteristics, or fashion sense of another female does not make you gay.
Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?
Related Topics
Relationships: Blended Families, Parents and Adult Children
Transitions: Preparing for Adolescence, Empty Nest
