discipline
Question and Answer
After I spank my child, she usually wants to hug me and make up. I don't feel good about that because I need to show her my displeasure at what she's done. That's why I continue to be cool to her for a few hours. Do you think that is right?
No, I think it is very important after punishment to embrace the child in love. That is the time to assure her that it was the misbehavior that brought your disapproval, rather than your dislike for her personally. It is also the best time to talk about why she got in trouble and how she can avoid your displeasure in the future. It is the "teachable moment," when the object of your discipline can be explained. Such a conversation is difficult or impossible to achieve when a rebellious, stiff-necked little child is clenching her fist and taking you on. But after a confrontation has occurred — especially if it involved tears — the child usually wants to hug you and get reassurance that you really care for her.
Many parents, like you, say they feel awkward showing affection after punishment because they've been upset with the child. I think that is wrong. It's best to open your arms and let that youngster come.
Background Information
Journey of No Return
Sometimes as parents, we have a knee-jerk response to our kids as we're barraged by their numerous inquires and desires. Maybe it's time to stop being so negative.
When Not To Discipline
Parents should recognize when they should and shouldn't discipline their children.
When You Feel Like Calling in the SWAT Team
Are your children constantly testing you? This classic parenting advice will help you regain the upper hand.
Questions and Answers
We'd like to be more unified in our approach, but how do we successfully move from two financial approaches to one?
Answer
How long do you think a child should be allowed to cry after being punished? Is there a limit?
Answer
I have never spanked my 3-year-old because I am afraid it will teach her to hit others and be a violent person. Do you think I am wrong?
Answer
It just seems barbaric to cause pain to a defenseless child. Is it healthy to spank him or her?
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Parents today can be too permissive or too harsh. Which is the most common error in Western cultures today?
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Stories
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Other Things to Consider
Ten Things Toddlers Wish They Could Tell You
It can do wonders for the frazzled parent to know what's going on in the mind of your little one.
Related Topics
Transitions: Having a Baby, Preparing for Adolescence
Life Pressures: Working Moms, Stay-At-Home Moms, Time for Family
Relationships: Parents and Adult Children, Blended Families
