single parenting
Adopting on Your Own
Regardless of the joy a child may bring into the life of the single person who has dreamed of parenting, major adjustments must be expected for both parent and child. Since older and physically/emotionally handicapped children are usually placed with single adoptive parents, the time required for proper adjustment may be longer. Older children, for example, generally present more adjustment difficulties, simply because the child's personality has already developed to a great extent. Many older children have also had earlier experiences of deprivation, abuse and instability, and come to the single parent with substantially more emotional problems. The physically handicapped child may require an even greater amount of care — perhaps lifelong.
Adjustment of both parent and child are dependent on several factors. Much of the responsibility for good adjustment depends on the parent's own sense of well-being and self-esteem. Research indicates that single adoptive parents take longer to consider a child their own than couples who adopt, and that males take longer to adjust to parenting than females.
The fact that you, the single adoptive parent, will have a significantly restricted social life after a child arrives must be accepted as part of this newly chosen lifestyle. Understandably, there aren't too many other single adoptive parents with whom to socialize; you may not quite fit into the divorced or widowed single-parent group; married couples may not be ready to accept you; and your single friends don't feel comfortable talking about, or being around, children. Now, instead of accepting social invitations, you may find yourself saying more often: "I've got to attend a parent-teacher conference tonight." "Sorry, I can't make it. Johnny's sick." "I'm short on cash this week." "The house needs cleaning." Or, "Sally needs help with her math." Your social life may include much more family time, both your own and extended-family involvements.
Extended-family relationships are extremely important. When extended families respond positively, there is better adjustment, sooner, for both parent and child.
The major new tasks faced by the single adoptive parent, their costs, and time commitments may loom especially large in this transitional stage.
Background Information
On Your Own
A lot changes after a divorce occur, most notably, the demands of parenting.
Questions and Answers
I am a single mother with a 5-year-old son. How can I raise him to be a healthy man who has a good masculine image?
Answer
What encouragement can you offer to those of us who are single parents?
Answer
Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
The Way It Wasn't Supposed to Be
Divorce is a hateful thing. But with help, you can mend the torn fabric of your family's life.
Accepting a New Identity
Unexpectedly widowed, a woman has trouble accepting her role as single parent.
My Mother, My Hero
My mother sacrificed her life to give her kids the best she could — and to help us be our best.
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
Forgiveness: What it is and What it Isn't
Understanding and granting forgiveness can help you move past the pain of divorce.
Learning to Roll With Change
It's not the most fun you'll ever have, but the results are worth it.
Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?
Related Topics
Transitions: Having a Baby, Preparing for Adolescence
Life Pressures: Working Moms, Stay-At-Home Moms, Time for Family
Relationships: Parents and Adult Children, Blended Families
