discipline
The Perfect Child
Six-year-old Timothy finished coloring his picture. He put down the red crayon and inspected his work. In one spot, he had gone outside the line. He picked up the page, crumbled it into a ball and threw it in the trash. It wasn 't perfect.
Children can be perfectionists for many reasons. Some are driven by external desires; needing to be valued and accepted by the people they care about. These children perform to meet other people 's expectations. They fear letting down a teacher or disappointing a parent. Internally motivated perfectionists feel the need to do their best. They may have a belief system that says, "If I don 't always succeed, I'm not good enough or smart enough."
Cynthia Tobias, author of Bringing Out the Best in Your Child, says perfectionism has positives and negatives.
"The upside is your child is constantly striving for excellence and pushing herself to achieve something that may or may not be comfortable," she says. "It 's good for a child to learn that kind of discipline — a little bit.
"The downside is that feeling of never being able to measure up. Maybe she 's not attempting a lot of things because if she tried, it wouldn 't get done right so she 'd rather not do it at all. Children like that miss out on an awful lot."
Tobias warns that parents can inadvertently encourage perfectionism without realizing it. "In our younger kids, we hold them back by overprotecting them because they might get hurt or wouldn 't do well. We try to insulate them in a world where they can be successful in everything they try. Kids need to fail when they are young and the price tags are much smaller."
The reality of perfection is that no one can achieve it. Scripture tells us "All have sinned and fall short" (Romans 3:23). At the same time, the Lord calls us to "Be holy, because I am holy" (Leviticus 11:45). Aspiring to have a perfect and holy heart defines perfection in a whole new way for us and for our children. The fact is — we need God 's help.
Background Information
Journey of No Return
Sometimes as parents, we have a knee-jerk response to our kids as we're barraged by their numerous inquires and desires. Maybe it's time to stop being so negative.
When Not To Discipline
Parents should recognize when they should and shouldn't discipline their children.
When You Feel Like Calling in the SWAT Team
Are your children constantly testing you? This classic parenting advice will help you regain the upper hand.
Questions and Answers
After I spank my child, she usually wants to hug me and make up, but I continue to be cool to her for a few hours. Do you think that is right?
Answer
We'd like to be more unified in our approach, but how do we successfully move from two financial approaches to one?
Answer
How long do you think a child should be allowed to cry after being punished? Is there a limit?
Answer
I have never spanked my 3-year-old because I am afraid it will teach her to hit others and be a violent person. Do you think I am wrong?
Answer
It just seems barbaric to cause pain to a defenseless child. Is it healthy to spank him or her?
Answer
Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
Ten Things Toddlers Wish They Could Tell You
It can do wonders for the frazzled parent to know what's going on in the mind of your little one.
Related Topics
Transitions: Having a Baby, Preparing for Adolescence
Life Pressures: Working Moms, Stay-At-Home Moms, Time for Family
Relationships: Parents and Adult Children, Blended Families
