sibling rivalry
Make Room For Baby
When one mother brought home a new baby boy, the former youngest took one look ... and bit her mother in the knee out of resentment.
Many children feel threatened when a new baby arrives and becomes the center of attention. While this reaction is normal, here are some tips to minimize bites and bitterness.
- Start preparing your child during the pregnancy. Teach your child how to hold a baby doll with care. Use phrases like "be gentle with the baby" so when the real baby arrives, your child will understand how to behave. Three- and 4-year-olds have difficulty understanding time, so it is better to associate the baby's arrival with a season rather than a month.
- Make the baby's arrival a positive memory. When the baby is born, allow your child to visit the hospital. Greet your child without the baby in your arms. This way you can hug her and let her know how much you missed her. After this time together, let her see the new baby. A special gift from the new baby may help older children appreciate the newest addition.
- Understand that your child will have mixed emotions. Some toddlers regress when a new baby enters the home. Bedwetting, whining and begging for a bottle are a common plea for parental attention. Remind your child of all the things he can do that the baby cannot and all he can teach the new baby.
- Emphasize the older child's important role . Let your child know how special she is because she can be a helper. To provide a sense of importance and the pride of accomplishment, let your child be involved in caring for the baby. For example, allow your child to choose the baby's outfit.
- Affirm your older child. When others compliment your new baby, they often ignore the older child. Praise your older child in front of others. Encourage family members and friends not to forget to make the older sibling feel special, too.
For some children, this transition can be difficult with plenty of tears and tantrums. But with a little sensitivity and effort, an irreplaceable friendship can be formed between the new siblings.
Background Information
Unfair Comparisons
Jealousy is often the by-product of comparison.
Questions and Answers
Why do my kids have to fight all the time? I have three of them, and they drive me crazy. Why can't they be nice to each other?
Answer
Our 3-year-old daughter was thrilled about having a new brother or sister. Now, however, she shows signs of jealousy. Please suggest some ways I can ease her through this period of adjustment.
Answer
Our daughter is showing signs of jealousy. How can I help her adjust to a sibling?
Answer
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Stories
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Other Things to Consider
Children: Are They Worth It?
Children can be demanding, frustrating and exhausting. But they can also be a tremendous source of positive change in our lives.
Related Topics
Transitions: Having a Baby, Preparing for Adolescence
Life Pressures: Working Moms, Stay-At-Home Moms, Time for Family
Relationships: Parents and Adult Children, Blended Families
