discipline
Kids are Resilient, Right?
Divorce affects more than one million children every year, and it affects them in many negative ways. It 's second only to the death of a spouse or a child on the list of life 's stressful events. The news that their parents will no longer be together threatens children 's sense of security and even their sense of identity. They often feel the divorce is their fault.
Some children, believing they can "fix" the family, demonstrate stellar behavior. Others rebel and act out, hoping their parents will reunite to solve the problem. Still others don 't react much at all—but their stoicism is simply hiding buried feelings that will come out at some point. Both the age and temperament of the children affect how they will cope with divorce.
Regardless of their initial reaction, all children experience a pattern of emotional responses when their parents divorce. Having endured a tremendous loss, they react as many adults do when facing a shock of that magnitude. The grieving stages include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. These emotions can affect the children 's sleep, appetite, schoolwork and ability to interact with others.
Though the parents may feel overwhelmed by and preoccupied with their own problems, they must make a concerted effort to reassure their children. Kids need to hear that the divorce is not their fault, that they can love both of their parents and that both parents love them and plan to remain involved in their lives. Under no circumstances should parents use the children to acquire information about each other, or to listen to their problems as if their child is their confidante. Maintaining healthy relationships and boundaries is vital to the well-being of children and parents alike.
Parents should be aware of their children's behavior. If the kids are struggling, they may need a counselor 's help to work through their grief. A skilled counselor can help guide the entire family through the strain of divorce.
Background Information
Journey of No Return
Sometimes as parents, we have a knee-jerk response to our kids as we're barraged by their numerous inquires and desires. Maybe it's time to stop being so negative.
When Not To Discipline
Parents should recognize when they should and shouldn't discipline their children.
When You Feel Like Calling in the SWAT Team
Are your children constantly testing you? This classic parenting advice will help you regain the upper hand.
Questions and Answers
After I spank my child, she usually wants to hug me and make up, but I continue to be cool to her for a few hours. Do you think that is right?
Answer
We'd like to be more unified in our approach, but how do we successfully move from two financial approaches to one?
Answer
How long do you think a child should be allowed to cry after being punished? Is there a limit?
Answer
I have never spanked my 3-year-old because I am afraid it will teach her to hit others and be a violent person. Do you think I am wrong?
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It just seems barbaric to cause pain to a defenseless child. Is it healthy to spank him or her?
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Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
Ten Things Toddlers Wish They Could Tell You
It can do wonders for the frazzled parent to know what's going on in the mind of your little one.
Related Topics
Transitions: Having a Baby, Preparing for Adolescence
Life Pressures: Working Moms, Stay-At-Home Moms, Time for Family
Relationships: Parents and Adult Children, Blended Families
