discipline

When Not To Discipline

by Focus On the Family

The following are examples of situations in which it is not appropriate to discipline:

  • Normal exploratory behavior in infants and toddlers.
  • Toilet training — it will happen when she's ready.
  • Bedwetting — this is a physiological event that is not under conscious control and will rarely (if ever) respond to rewards or punishment.
  • Speech problems — these need professional assessment, and a lot of work may be needed at home, but delayed or garbled speech is not a character-development issue.
  • Accidents — an older child can be involved with cleanup, repair and restitution, especially if carelessness was involved.
  • Irritability and negativity specifically related to illness or extreme fatigue.
  • Report cards that fall short of perfection — children should not be punished for failing to bring home straight A's, but you can set up appropriate ground rules for the effort a child puts forth at home, such as doing homework before fun and games. If a child's school performance is falling short of her capability, the problem may be a need for more self-discipline, but specific learning problems may be involved as well.
  • Attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) problems — a child with ADHD may have a great deal of difficulty with impulse control and learning from mistakes, even when she wants to do the right thing. However, among many other things (including perhaps medication), she still needs discipline and training to make progress and survive in the world. Parenting a child with ADHD is an art and a true test of one's patience and stamina.
  • Performance in sports — dropping the ball in center field or failing to make a team shouldn't provoke disciplinary measures at home. In fact, parental support and encouragement at such times are extremely important.
This article was excerpted from Complete Book of Baby and Child Care, published by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. Copyright © 1999 Focus on the Family. All rights reserved.

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After I spank my child, she usually wants to hug me and make up, but I continue to be cool to her for a few hours. Do you think that is right?
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