sexual dissatisfaction in marriage
Question and Answer
My wife will not respond to me sexually unless the circumstances are just right. It isn't enough for us to just enjoy each other physically. I have to talk to her and spend time with her before we even go to bed or else she is disinterested. Are other women like this?
The majority are just like that. Sex for a woman is not exclusively a physical experience. It must have a romantic element to satisfy her. Unless a woman feels a certain closeness to her husband at a particular time — unless she believes he respects her as a person — she may be unable to enjoy a sexual encounter with him. When she makes love in the absence of that romantic closeness, she often feels used. In a sense, her husband has exploited her body to gratify himself. Like your wife, she may either refuse to participate, or she will yield with reluctance and resentment.
To the contrary, a man can come home from work in a bad mood, spend the evening slaving over his desk or in his garage, watch the eleven o'clock news in silence, and finally hop into bed for a brief encounter. The fact that he and his wife have had no tender moments in the entire evening does not inhibit his sexual desire significantly. He sees her on her way to bed in her clingy nightgown, and that is enough to throw his switch. But his wife is not so easily moved. She waited for him all day, and when he came home and hardly even greeted her, she felt disappointment and rejection. His continuing coolness and self-preoccupation put a padlock on her desires. Therefore, she may find it impossible to respond to him later in the evening.
The inability to explain this frustration is, I believe, a continual source of irritation to women.
Background Information
Gender Differences in Orgasms
Men and women aren't the same when it comes to reaching the peak of sexual fulfillment.
Just Hold Me
Men and women both desire — and need — physical connection.
Virtual Unfaithfulness: Pornography Use in a Marriage
Why shouldn't a husband and wife use pornography to increase their sexual excitement and enhance their lovemaking?
When Sex Isn't Satisfying
Here's a look at the origins of sexual dissatisfaction in marriage.
Questions and Answers
Why are some men and women less sensual than others?
Answer
Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
Unhappy in Bed
If sex is supposed to be great, why is it less than satisfying for so many couples?
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?
Related Topics
Abuse & Addiction: Pornography and Cybersex, Sexual Abuse
Parenting Children: Talking About Sex
Parenting Teens: Sexual Activity, Crisis Pregnancy, Homosexuality
Transitions: Getting Married, Adoption, Having a Baby
