post-abortion syndrome
Stepping out of Denial
This article is a continuation of the story “Taboo Grief: Men and Abortion.”
For a man to heal from an abortion he must:
- Be motivated. Psychotherapist Jim Benefield says this is the first step toward healing.
- Grieve. “Men are conditioned not to show their feelings,” says Pete Palmer, who after 25 years still recalls the pain of his girlfriend’s abortion. “But even though we’re males, we have to cry. We won’t make any progress beyond that until we can say, ‘Yes, I’ve lost somebody who’s dear to me.’ ”
- Forgive. It took two years before Chico fully grasped what he had done and accepted God’s forgiveness. Finding forgiveness from God, then learning to forgive those involved in the abortion is vital.
- Reconcile. Though most relationships end following abortion, many men seek some sort of reconciliation with those involved. Chico and Don each contacted his former girlfriend and apologized for his role.
- Seek closure. Many men acknowledge their aborted child for the first time by naming or writing letters to him. One father purchased a gravestone and had it placed in a cemetery.
Acceptance doesn’t come easily. Last year at Father’s Day, for example, when fathers at his church were asked to stand and be recognized, Chico remained seated. “I thought about standing,” he said. “I am a father — my child would be about 13 by now. But I didn’t. I don’t know why. Maybe people wouldn’t understand.”
Maybe they won’t understand. But until men begin to acknowledge that abortion has damaged their lives and do something about it, families, the church and society will continue to suffer.
Background Information
When Grief Doesn't End
Despair can halt the natural and healthy process of grieving.
Post-Abortive Men and the Church
The effects of abortion rear their head in the most unexpected places.
Why the Post-Abortive Woman Doesn't Talk About Her Abortion
Abortion leaves many women feeling deep sadness and extreme emotional distress. Often, the last thing they want to do is talk about it.
Questions and Answers
Is it "normal" to struggle with an abortion in one's past?
Answer
What are some of the symptoms of Post-Abortion Syndrome?
Answer
Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
Left to Suffer
Abortion can leave a woman feeling more empty and alone than she ever dreamed possible.
Life is Sacred
Sometimes the choices we make bring pain. Thankfully, one woman turned to God for healing.
Taboo Grief: Men and Abortion
It's not something most men talk about, but the ones who've lost a child to abortion bear many scars.
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
Related Topics
Abuse & Addiction: Pornography and Cybersex, Sexual Abuse
Parenting Children: Talking About Sex
Parenting Teens: Sexual Activity, Crisis Pregnancy, Homosexuality
Transitions: Getting Married, Adoption, Having a Baby
