miscarriage

Living Together: Not Such a Good Idea After All

by Brad Lewis

Whether you call it “living together,” “shacking up,” or “living in sin,” cohabitation is on the rise. Sadly, so are the consequences of sharing a home without the commitment of marriage.

Try as you may, it's not easy to defend cohabiting as “just the same as marriage.” The following myths and truths paint a compelling picture.

Myth: “This is just temporary. We'll be getting married when we feel ready.”

Truth: Only 30 percent of couples who live together actually get married. 1

Myth: “We want to try each other out. We'll have a better chance of staying married if we live together first.”

Truth: The dissolution rate for couples who lived together before marriage is 80 percent higher than it is for couples who didn't. 2

Myth: “We'll get along better once we're married.”

Truth: Thirty-five out of 100 couples living together experienced a physical assault in a 12-month period; that's more than double the rate of violence among married couples, which is 15 out of 100. 3The top three problems for couples who live together before marriage are: drunkenness, adultery and drug abuse. 4

Myth: “We just want to get a head start on our finances before we get married.”

Truth: Men who live with their girlfriends before marrying them are more likely to be underemployed (before and after the marriage) than men who have not cohabited. Women who live with their boyfriends before marrying them are more likely to need to be employed full time to compensate for their husbands' underemployment. 5

1 Only 30 percent of couples who live together actually get married. John D. Cunningham and John K. Antill, “Cohabitation and Marriage: Retrospective and Predictive Comparisions,” Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 11 (1994), pp. 77-93.
2 Ibid.
3 From a nationwide survey conducted by the University of Rhode Island, quoted in “Live-in Relationship More Prone to Violence,” by Robert Haddocks, South Coast Today, www.s-t.com/projects/DomVio/Livein.html
4 Michael D. Newcomb and P.M. Bentler, “Assessment of Personality and Demographic Assets of Cohabitation and Marital Success,” Journal of Personality Assessment, 1980, p.16.
5 Cunningham and Antill.
Copyright © 2002 Brad Lewis.

Background Information

When Grief Doesn't End
Despair can halt the natural and healthy process of grieving.

Understanding Miscarriage
Here are the symptoms and causes of miscarriage.

What Not to Say
Sometimes even people with good intentions say the most hurtful things.

Questions and Answers

What are some common reactions to a miscarriage?
Answer

When I want to get pregnant again, is there anything I can do to improve my chances of carrying the baby to term?
Answer

Review Frequently Asked Questions

Stories

Suffering Toward God
Facing their daughter's death forces one couple to answer life's hardest questions.

I Never Knew You, Still I Love You
One woman's story of her grieving period when she miscarried.

If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.
Share Your Story

Other Things to Consider

Hope and Comfort From the Bible
If you're asking God why this happened to your baby, here are some of His answers from the Bible.

Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?

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