Question and Answer

How should a wife deal with her husband's abusive tendencies?

The principles of Love Must Be Tough offer the best response to an abusive husband. They begin with a recognition that behavior does not change when things are going smoothly. If change is to occur, it usually does so in a crisis situation. Thus, a crisis must be created and managed very carefully.

After moving out and making it clear that the woman has no intention of returning, the ball moves to her husband's court. If he never responds, she never returns. If it takes a year, or five years, then so be it. He has to want her badly enough to face his problem and to reach out to her. When (and if) her husband acknowledges that he has an abusive behavior pattern and promises to deal with it, negotiations can begin. A plan can be agreed upon that involves intensive Christian counseling with a person of the wife's choosing. She should not return home until the counselor concludes that she will be safe and that the husband is on the way to recovery. Gradually, they put their relationship back together.

It's a long shot but one worth working to achieve.

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Background Information

Emotional and Verbal Abuse
The wounds caused by abuse aren't always visible.

Recognizing Abuse Both Seen and Unseen
Verbal and physical abuse are far more prevalent in our society than you might expect.

Secondary Symptons of Sexual Abuse
Here's how to identify common patterns and characteristics among abuse victims.

Abuse and the Church's Role
If church-goers suspect abuse, here's an explanation why they should get involved and how to help the victim.

Charmers and Con Artists
The con artist can rob you of your time, energy and money, and the Charmer can rob you of your youth, your integrity and your self-esteem. Here is how to know if you live with a charmer or a con artist.

Questions and Answers

Why do abused women often stay, rather than just flee the situation?
Answer

My daughter and her boyfriend just laugh it off, but I am alarmed by the put-downs and insults they toss back and forth. Am I being too sensitive?
Answer

Have you ever been concerned that exercising the concept of "tough love" in a marital crisis could potentially kill the marriage?
Answer

Review Frequently Asked Questions

Stories

Escaping my Abusive Relationship: A Shark Story
Used constructively, anger can be a powerful tool for protecting yourself from an abusive relationship.

Losing Myself
One abused woman found hope, healing and herself.

Victim
An abused man speaks out about the destruction of his marriage, and the healing he has found.

If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.
Share Your Story

Other Things to Consider

Hope for Couples in Crisis
The key to dealing with marital strife lies in respect.

Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?

Related Topics

Life Pressures: Workaholism

Parenting Teens:  Drugs and Alcohol, Eating Disorders, Internet Concerns

Relationships:  Anger

Life Applications

Who Needs Counseling?
Counseling is sometimes perceived as a "last resort," rather than a valuable source of help.

Changed or Not Changed?
If you're in an abusive relationship, here are some signs indicating whether he has or has not changed his ways.

Helping a Domestic Violence Victim
If you know someone who might be a victim of domestic violence, here's how you can help.

How to Be an Anchor in the Storm
One of the reasons a battered woman is finally able to leave an abusive relationship is because she has someone who acts as her anchor in the storm. Here are some ideas that may help you help someone else.

How to Help an Abused Wife
When an abused woman reveals her life with you, you are just seeing the tip of the iceberg. Here how to help someone who is experiencing domestic violence.