physical and verbal abuse
Recognizing Abuse; Both Seen and Unseen
Though prevalent in our culture, verbal abuse often goes unrecognized because it leaves invisible scars. The abusers often come across as nice, even charming, people when they interact with the general public. But behind closed doors, they use cutting words to exert control over those closest to them. And they do it by sending a two-sided message: "I love you…but I don't." The twisted expression of their "love" creates confusion and a sense of helplessness in their victims.
This form of abuse includes humiliating, threatening, insulting, or intimidating one's partner. It also is characterized by withdrawal of approval or affection. The abuser may try to control what his partner wears or who she spends time with. He may even isolate her from family and friends. This constant belittling can cut to the core of a person's being. The Journal of Family Violence reported in 1990 that 72 percent of abuse victims felt that emotional abuse was harder to endure than physical abuse.
What makes verbal abuse particularly threatening is the fact that verbal abuse always precedes physical abuse. The progression to this level of attack may take years — or months.
Verbal abuse isn't limited to intimate relationships. It can happen at work, at school — any place there is regular contact with certain people. And while abuse of any kind happens to both men and women, the majority of abuse victims are women. In 1997, the U.S. Department of Justice found that more than one-third of women who came to emergency rooms for treatment had injuries resulting from domestic violence.
Physical abuse is the use of physical force against another that results in pain or injury. Who are the victims? Anyone — men, women, children, the elderly. Who are the offenders? Anyone — a spouse, an acquaintance, a son or daughter, a caregiver. Offenders are often unemployed and likely to live with their victims.
Evidence of physical abuse includes sprains, fractures, broken bones, burns, abrasions, bruises, and internal injuries. The injuries are often accompanied by conflicting explanations or no explanations. The injured person may also have a history of similar injuries or multiple hospitalizations.
The hallmarks of an abuser — both verbal and physical — include jealousy, a need to control, efforts to isolate their partner or relative, attempts to rush a romantic relationship and disrespect for privacy and personal boundaries. Drug and alcohol abuse are often present in the situation.
Background Information
Emotional and Verbal Abuse
The wounds caused by abuse aren't always visible.
Secondary Symptons of Sexual Abuse
Here's how to identify common patterns and characteristics among abuse victims.
Abuse and the Church's Role
If church-goers suspect abuse, here's an explanation why they should get involved and how to help the victim.
Charmers and Con Artists
The con artist can rob you of your time, energy and money, and the Charmer can rob you of your youth, your integrity and your self-esteem. Here is how to know if you live with a charmer or a con artist.
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
Why does Prince Charming often turn into a terrifying beast even before the honeymoon is over?
Questions and Answers
Why do abused women often stay, rather than just flee the situation?
Answer
My daughter and her boyfriend just laugh it off, but I am alarmed by the put-downs and insults they toss back and forth. Am I being too sensitive?
Answer
How should a wife deal with her husband's abusive tendencies?
Answer
Have you ever been concerned that exercising the concept of "tough love" in a marital crisis could potentially kill the marriage?
Answer
Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
Escaping my Abusive Relationship: A Shark Story
Used constructively, anger can be a powerful tool for protecting yourself from an abusive relationship.
Losing Myself
One abused woman found hope, healing and herself.
Victim
An abused man speaks out about the destruction of his marriage, and the healing he has found.
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
Hope for Couples in Crisis
The key to dealing with marital strife lies in respect.
Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?
Related Topics
Life Pressures: Workaholism
Parenting Teens: Drugs and Alcohol, Eating Disorders, Internet Concerns
Relationships: Anger
