physical and verbal abuse
Who Needs Counseling?
Reluctance about counseling
"I don't want to talk to a stranger about all my personal problems."
"Counseling costs too much."
"It won't help anyway."
"I don't have the time."
"Therapy is for crazy people … and I'm not crazy."
Are you reluctant to consider counseling for a personal, family or marital problem? Take heart, you're not alone. Still, it's important to realize that counseling with a trained professional might be helpful for what you're facing.
Therapy isn't the stereotypical picture of you lying on a couch talking about how you were potty-trained. It's not some individualized version of Analyze This or What About Bob? Quality counseling can help you gain a better understanding of what's going on in your situation and inside yourself. This awareness can give you a new viewpoint on yourself and your circumstances, help you make good choices and lead to action steps that will change your life. When it feels like you can't see the forest for the trees, it's a good time to seek an outside perspective.
It's not just for crazy people
Corporations hire consultants every day — outsiders with an objective vantage point to help assess, plan and implement changes that will better the company. You take your car to a mechanic when you hear that "clunking" sound, because he knows more about cars than you do. Elite-level athletes frequently elicit specialty coaches to help them improve mental focus and discipline.
People are always seeking outside assistance. It's no different when the issue is anxiety, perfectionism, depression, lack of confidence, marital discord or an alcoholic spouse. Going to a trained expert who is objective and will help you make significant changes is just plain smart. Marriages sometimes need a tune-up when communication hits a stalemate. Seeking out a "brain coach" can help you with your lack of confidence or inability to make that important decision. While you may not choose to tell people you are seeking therapy, it's nothing to be ashamed of — you're in good company.
What to expect from a therapist
During your first appointment, your rights as a client, state confidentiality laws and limitations of therapy will be given to you in writing or reviewed verbally with you. The therapist will also give you a written disclosure statement of his/her licensure, other credentials and areas of expertise.
The therapist will conduct a thorough assessment of your present situation and important background information. You will be interviewed and possibly given a written psychological assessment to complete.
The counselor will then suggest a treatment plan, whether written or verbalized, about how to address the issue(s) at hand. Part of this plan will be the therapist's best guess as to how long (assuming no new issues arise) the counseling process is likely to take.
If you are worried about your privacy and fear that your secrets will get out, realize that all licensed professionals are bound by law to keep confidential what is said and documented in a therapy session. There are exceptions in situations where there is potential suicide or homicide danger, evidence of physical abuse to a minor or an elderly person, or suspicion of sexual abuse of a minor. However, a therapist is obligated to inform you of this at your first appointment.
Choosing a good therapist
- Get referrals. You can check with friends, a school counselor, churches and/or your physician's office.
- Interview each counselor over the telephone. Ask questions like: What credentials and certifications do you have? How long have you been in practice? What issues do you specialize in? What is your experience in the specific area I am seeking counseling for? How would you approach this type of issue? Do you assign homework? What are your fees? Ask as many questions as you want.
- Choose a therapist and begin. Not all therapists operate the same way. Some will be very interactive. Some may have an "in your face" style. Others will be more subdued and simply reflect back to you what they hear you saying and what they sense you are feeling. Picking a therapist is like buying a new pair of shoes. While there are many quality shoes around, you only buy the pair that fits you. There is no "one size fits all" in counseling. If the counselor doesn't feel like a fit, don't buy. While individual styles of therapy vary, it is usually better to choose a counselor who is active, not passive in the session, working with you — not just listening to you.
- Actively work with the therapist. If you disagree, speak up. If you have questions, ask. If the therapist isn't making sense, seek clarification. The more active you are in the process, the better.
- Realize that you are not "stuck" with a counselor forever. If things are not going well or no clear plan of action is shared with you, speak up. If your personalities don't match or his/her style is not what you are comfortable with, talk openly about making a change to another therapist.
Not a last resort
When it comes to dealing with the changes, challenges and crises of life, it's important to seek help early. Don't wait until that clunking noise turns into total transmission failure. The sooner you seek help, the shorter and easier it will usually be, because there is less of a "mess" to deal with. Counseling isn't just for crazy or weak people; it's for anyone who can benefit from an outside, objective, expert perspective to help them along this journey of life.
If you'd like to talk with a counselor at TroubledWith, or would like information about counselors in your local area, please visit our Consider Counseling page.
Background Information
Emotional and Verbal Abuse
The wounds caused by abuse aren't always visible.
Recognizing Abuse Both Seen and Unseen
Verbal and physical abuse are far more prevalent in our society than you might expect.
Secondary Symptons of Sexual Abuse
Here's how to identify common patterns and characteristics among abuse victims.
Abuse and the Church's Role
If church-goers suspect abuse, here's an explanation why they should get involved and how to help the victim.
Charmers and Con Artists
The con artist can rob you of your time, energy and money, and the Charmer can rob you of your youth, your integrity and your self-esteem. Here is how to know if you live with a charmer or a con artist.
Questions and Answers
Why do abused women often stay, rather than just flee the situation?
Answer
My daughter and her boyfriend just laugh it off, but I am alarmed by the put-downs and insults they toss back and forth. Am I being too sensitive?
Answer
How should a wife deal with her husband's abusive tendencies?
Answer
Have you ever been concerned that exercising the concept of "tough love" in a marital crisis could potentially kill the marriage?
Answer
Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
Escaping my Abusive Relationship: A Shark Story
Used constructively, anger can be a powerful tool for protecting yourself from an abusive relationship.
Losing Myself
One abused woman found hope, healing and herself.
Victim
An abused man speaks out about the destruction of his marriage, and the healing he has found.
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
Hope for Couples in Crisis
The key to dealing with marital strife lies in respect.
Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?
Related Topics
Life Pressures: Workaholism
Parenting Teens: Drugs and Alcohol, Eating Disorders, Internet Concerns
Relationships: Anger
