How To Become A Good Parent

Smiling young mother has a good time in conversations with the son of preschool age

There are many resources on the Internet about parenting and it focuses more on techniques that modifies your child’s behavior. Although this is not a bad method, it is not the most effective approach to better parenting. In fact it is missing the mark. Based on the research conducted by psychologist, it has been proven that a person can be a better parent if they focus more on developing themselves.

Nurturing oneself is better than changing the behavior of your child based on what you want them to be. A person has to start nurturing themselves to be a better mother and father. Parenting is not an easy job nowadays, we need to look inward and understand ourselves. We must set goals in life and concentrate our efforts to become a better parent.

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Mending Unresolved Feelings From Our Childhood

We might have encountered painful feelings from our past, and it has blocked our awareness and stir up the hurts in our own childhood. The innocence, spontaneity, liveliness of our childhood years could have been ruined by our past experiences – and these negative feelings can be reactivated. You need to understand that old feelings can cause you to pull away from your children.

There are times when we feel angry and anxious of the emotional connection we’re building with our children. This unfortunate situation can be triggered by the negative memories of our childhood. We often defend ourselves of these negative feelings, but it had cut us off from our children – and it may push them away from us.

The most ideal thing to do is to stop defending ourselves against these feelings,we need to face the traumas that have been unresolved. Once you fully understand yourself, you will eventually accept your negative experiences and move on from it. This in turn can make you an effective parent, someone who can develop attachments and develop a better relationship with your children.

When you understand yourself, you become more emotionally connected with your children. Keep in mind that coherent self-knowledge goes hand in hand with interpersonal relationships.

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Sometimes You Project Critical Feelings About Yourself To Your Children

You may have noticed that your ambivalent attitude towards your children is merely a reflection of your attitude towards yourself. People who don’t appreciate themselves can never give love, and will never act on things that can develop relationships. Parents who harbors self-hatred and self-depreciation will often extend these negative feelings to their offspring. Parents’ attitudes toward their offspring is a by-product of their conflicts and traumas.

Our non-conscious emotions and unresolved issues can be projected to our children. They are particularly vulnerable and we become more receptive to our children’s internal experience. Without self-assessment, you can never understand the patterns of response and it can even alter your child’s experience of reality. They too become more receptive and less enthusiastic of building a better relationship with you.

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Becoming A Role Model

Psychologists have been proven that children really mimic their parents. This is the main reason why you should be a role model for good behavior, because it’s more powerful than any disciplinary measure. It’s also the best method to use when raising children. In fact, imitation and identification are more effective than rules, statements, and prescription for good behavior.

Children often observe their parents and they develop their behavior based on their parents’ actions. Parents should be aware that every behavior they emulate towards their children must be worthy of imitating, because their kids will imitate it. Parents should teach their children with good behavior through proper example.

The fact that our children are constantly watching us and mimicking our behavior, it’s our sole responsibility to develop ourselves. You as a parent, must develop your integrity, maturity, and honesty because it can affect the development your children.

Fulfilling Our Duties To Our Children

We can fulfill our duties to our children by teaching them how to live the good life. We don’t need to sacrifice ourselves for them, but we can show them that we are in pursuit of our goals. They must see us that we are determined to work hard and we are honest about our feelings, priorities and wants. We need to invest fully in our lives, so we can be a positively reinforce the development of our children. This will ensure that their future will be full wisdom and maturity.

If we strive to live the good life, our children will be impressed of our achievements, and they will one day do the same. You must live through your children through positive reinforcement. Never act out of emotional hunger, or showing unsatisfied longing for care and love. This will only confuse your children and in the end – it can even foster a feeling of emptiness.

You don’t need to be a perfect parent for your child – you only need to be an honest one, someone who can show them the realities of life. So, by admitting your weaknesses and shortcomings, you become more transparent to your child. Ultimately, your compassion and humanity will have a significant impact on the growth of your child.

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Let Your Children Love You

When you develop yourself to be a strict and disciplinarian parent, you become more resistant to love. Sometimes you push your children away from you, because you want to emulate your dominance over them. If you want to be a good parent, you must let your children express their love for you. Never deny them the opportunity to show their feelings, since this could lead them to hesitation and anxiety.

We don’t want them to suffer emotionally, but it takes time and a little bit of effort to improve your relationship with your children. Always remember, it’s not easy to raise a child, especially when you’re a single parent; there are lots of sacrifices and you need to work hard to develop yourself, but it’s something that you need to do for your family.